Episode 407 – One True Naked

It’s cold.  I’m cold.  I have fifteen layers of clothing on, and I’m made of ice.  I’m not entirely sure how I am typing because I cannot feel my fingers.  Or my toes.  Make it stop.  Make the cold not cold anymore.  Granted, it is meant to be a billion degrees on Christmas.  So, this is backwards.  It should snow 45 feet on Christmas on then be warm the rest of the year.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs inappropriate jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
Boanthropy is a psychological disorder in which the sufferer believes he or she is a cow or ox. The most famous sufferer of this condition was King Nebuchadnezzar, who in the Book of Daniel “was driven from men and did eat grass as oxen”.

Woman Prefers Sex with Ghosts
Man Strips Naked and Jumps on Car After Crash
Mystery Pooper Terrorizes Lawns
Woman Bites off Man’s Testicle

Words of Wisdom:
I don’t believe that you have to be a cow to know what milk is. -Ann Landers

Episode 406 – Chickpea Pantaloons

There are some days where I would be perfectly happy to sit and listen to music all day.  Just to absorb the tunes and let them wash over me in amazing, techno glory.  Today is one of those days.  Do you guys have music that you listen to on days like these?  I just found a band called Solar Fake and I’ve had them on repeat.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
The tension of the 230-odd strings in a grand piano exert a combined force of 20 tonnes on the cast iron frame.

Oklahoma Pastor Busted Running White Supremacist Prostitution Ring
SUC Army is back!
Navy Jet Draws Weener in Sky
Woman Parks in Chief’s Spot to Smoke Pot
Pfizer denies fumes from Viagra factory are arousing town’s males

Words of Wisdom:
Without music, life would be a mistake. -Friedrich Nietzsche

Episode 405 – Screeching Doors

I have learned how to make vegan banana bread!  Kind of.  I think I put too much applesauce in it last time… because it was REALLY moist.  I know some of you hate that word, but it is the perfect word for what my banana bread was… overly moist.  It wasn’t soggy, it wasn’t wet…. it was moist squared.  Anyway, I just made my second batch and put less applesauce and more hippy flour in it (no crickets), and I’ve been eating the batter.  Seriously, mashed bananas with sugar and hippy flour?  My Lord.  I would eat the entire damn bowl all by myself and never look back.  It’s amazing.  My mouth is now watering.  BRB.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
Tomatoes are the state vegetable of New Jersey.

Indian surgeons remove 263 coins, 100 nails from man’s stomach
Man tries to pay ticket with pennies, gets choked by guard and defecates self
Malaysian university confusingly organizes ‘Pedophile Charity Run’ over the weekend
Mum who charges her family £30 each for Christmas dinner sparks outrage

Words of Wisdom:
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad. -Brian O’Driscoll

Episode 403 – Members Only

Are you a vegetarian?  Based on the statistics of people that listen to this show, I am going to guess a big, fat, “No!” on that account.  Well, if you ARE, prepare for one of two worst weeks in your life!  You don’t eat meat, everyone knows you don’t eat meat, you haven’t eaten meat in a while, but for some reason, people take the holidays as a time to convert vegetarians and vegans.  Obviously something is wrong with you.  You can’t get any protein (never you mind that the animals you are eating are vegetarians themselves), just one bite won’t kill you, do you think you’re better than everyone, why are you so difficult.  It’s just the worst.  I’ve started telling people that turkeys look like carved cadavers from the body lab (that stops conversation fairly quickly), and that pork tastes like people…  Good luck, veggies!

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
The average American eats approximately 222 pounds of meat per year. This does not include seafood.

German police pull python out of man’s pants after noticing ‘considerable bulge’
Utah man demands school change over mascot name sounding like ‘penises’
Prison masturbation addicts will be rewarded with PIZZA if they manage to ditch the self love for 30 days
Illinois man reportedly shoots his own penis after stealing from a hot dog stand

Words of Wisdom:
Work is the meat of life, pleasure the dessert. B. C. Forbes

Episode 402 – We Gotta Get This Show Done

We are finally settled at the house a bit, and I am able to get back in the swing of eating healthfully (guys, it was take out almost every night… you don’t even know… I thought i was going to die.).  I have my swamp water every morning (it really does look like a swamp because of the greens in it), I attempt to eat breakfast before noon (and fail most days), and I made zucchini boats last night that were bangin’!  Also, I tend to spell broccoli and zucchini incorrectly and rely heavily on spell-check to help a sister out.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
Lemons are native to Asia and are a hybrid between a sour orange and a citron.

Homosexual lions in Kenya’s Masai Mara ‘influenced’ by gay visitors; moral policeman calls for ‘counselling’
Man picks knife fight with neighbor, wears porn magazines as body armor
Hidden Valley will now sell you kegs of sauce
Petrol station closed after catapult-wielding robber steals chocolate

Words of Wisdom:
“I believe when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade…and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” ― Ron White

Episode 401 -Ultra Shart

Hello, ladies and gentlemonkeys!  It is bloody cold outside!  It was seventy, and then we went into Lowes, magically went through a time portal, and when we left Lowes, it was twenty degrees cooler.  How did that happen?  I was in shorts and short sleeves and now I need socks and a hoodie and the heat on.  Why is the weather being a moody brat?  It feels like Fall, though!  What’s your favorite season?

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
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Factoid of the Week:
More than 200 viruses are responsible for the cold. The most common are called human rhinoviruses (HRV), and are the little jerks that cause up to 40 percent of all colds.

Man flies over South Africa using 100 balloons strapped to camping chair
Serial pooper strikes Southern Illinois University dorm laundry room
Strangers on a Plane: Delta Passengers Arrested for Mid-Flight Tryst
Mom tied son to top of minivan to hold down plastic pool

Words of Wisdom:
Even when I’m sick and depressed, I love life. -Arthur Rubinstein

Episode 400 – Freaking 400

I know I normally babble here about my week or my fingernail polish or what I’m making for dinner (it was great, i bit it all off… maybe quiche?), but this is episode four-freaking-hundred of my favorite thing on earth!  Hanging out with you guys, chatting with Stephen, and forgetting what we talked about 4 seconds after the show ends so that when someone asks us what the show was about this week, Stephen and I blankly stare at each other until everyone is uncomfortable and then we move on.

Thank you for hanging out with us on this show, on IG and SC, at cons, and via text.  Thank you for making us shirts and art, sending us cards and bits and tips, and buying us drinks!  Thank you for amazing conversations, ragging on our Mage-Tanking, and always showing up.  You guys are fantastic and we loves you so many much!

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
New experiences really do seem to be longer in the memory than familiar ones. It’s called the “oddball effect“, and it seems to be why time feels like it’s going faster as you get older – because more stuff is familiar to you.

$130 ramen fork cancels out loud slurping sounds
Canadian Man Fined for Singing ’90s Dance Tune in Car
Police Discover Speeding Driver Nearly Naked And Covered In Vaseline
For Sale: Ranch home, attacked regularly by aliens. Bring your own sword.

Words of Wisdom:
Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years. -Ausonius

Episode 399 – What What Up Your Butt

I like putting food on my face.  It has its benefits.  I decided to branch out and make my own recipe of face mask today.  This was a mistake.  I have regrets.  I put cinnamon, milk (parents left it in my fridge and I’m not going to drink it, so I might as well wear it), turmeric, honey, and nutmeg.  My face now feels like I have an army of fire ants straight out of hell marching across Mordor.  Please make the pain stop.  Send help.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
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Factoid of the Week:
Ancient Greek theater masks had brass megaphones in the mouth to amplify what actors were saying.

The Kevin Smith/Megan Phelps Interview

German man in hot water for running taps and toilet non-stop for a YEAR
Spam heists soar in Hawaii, prompting retailers to keep it in locked cases
Flight 666 Makes Final Friday the 13th Trip to HEL
Couple who had sex in front of staff at Domino’s pizza in Scarborough must sleep apart for 6 months

Words of Wisdom:
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. -Oscar Wilde

Episode 398 – Pumpkin Spice Podcast

I cooked my first meal in the new house!  I made a bigger mess!  I should just accept that eating out every night is going to make me a better person because I don’t have to grocery shop, create some sort of edible nourishment, clean up dishes, or think much past, “How far is Sassol from my house?”  I am now hungry.  I want hummus.  Think about what you guys have done!

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
Many Native American tribes used black paint to signify life and yellow paint to signify death.

Swiss flushing away millions in gold and silver every year
A firefighter brought a watermelon as a gift for his new colleagues. He was fired for it
Woman Trades McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce for a Car
Nose hair extensions are the latest bizarre beauty trend

Words of Wisdom:
If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. -Vincent Van Gogh

Episode 397 – I Hate Painting

Guys, painting is the biggest crock of crap ever.  Why can’t they just make sheetrock come in colors?  Or make our walls plastic that can be tinted?  Or video screens that can put whatever your heart so desires up on the walls?  Why the crap do we use heavy-arse, lame, paint absorbing drywall?  Seriously, there has to be a better way.  I now understand why people put up wallpaper.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
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Factoid of the Week:
Alfred P. Southwick, a steamboat engineer, a dentist, and inventor, is credited with the invention of the electric chair as a means of execution.

Important Message from the Stars!
Stick a Needle in My Eye?!?

Words of Wisdom:
To talk of atomic energy in terms of atomic bombs is like talking of electricity in terms of the electric chair. – Pyotr Kapitsa