Episode 399 – What What Up Your Butt

I like putting food on my face.  It has its benefits.  I decided to branch out and make my own recipe of face mask today.  This was a mistake.  I have regrets.  I put cinnamon, milk (parents left it in my fridge and I’m not going to drink it, so I might as well wear it), turmeric, honey, and nutmeg.  My face now feels like I have an army of fire ants straight out of hell marching across Mordor.  Please make the pain stop.  Send help.

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Factoid of the Week:
Ancient Greek theater masks had brass megaphones in the mouth to amplify what actors were saying.

The Kevin Smith/Megan Phelps Interview

German man in hot water for running taps and toilet non-stop for a YEAR
Spam heists soar in Hawaii, prompting retailers to keep it in locked cases
Flight 666 Makes Final Friday the 13th Trip to HEL
Couple who had sex in front of staff at Domino’s pizza in Scarborough must sleep apart for 6 months

Words of Wisdom:
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. -Oscar Wilde

Episode 398 – Pumpkin Spice Podcast

I cooked my first meal in the new house!  I made a bigger mess!  I should just accept that eating out every night is going to make me a better person because I don’t have to grocery shop, create some sort of edible nourishment, clean up dishes, or think much past, “How far is Sassol from my house?”  I am now hungry.  I want hummus.  Think about what you guys have done!

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
Many Native American tribes used black paint to signify life and yellow paint to signify death.

Swiss flushing away millions in gold and silver every year
A firefighter brought a watermelon as a gift for his new colleagues. He was fired for it
Woman Trades McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce for a Car
Nose hair extensions are the latest bizarre beauty trend

Words of Wisdom:
If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. -Vincent Van Gogh

Episode 397 – I Hate Painting

Guys, painting is the biggest crock of crap ever.  Why can’t they just make sheetrock come in colors?  Or make our walls plastic that can be tinted?  Or video screens that can put whatever your heart so desires up on the walls?  Why the crap do we use heavy-arse, lame, paint absorbing drywall?  Seriously, there has to be a better way.  I now understand why people put up wallpaper.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
Alfred P. Southwick, a steamboat engineer, a dentist, and inventor, is credited with the invention of the electric chair as a means of execution.

Important Message from the Stars!
Stick a Needle in My Eye?!?

Words of Wisdom:
To talk of atomic energy in terms of atomic bombs is like talking of electricity in terms of the electric chair. – Pyotr Kapitsa

Episode 396 – Thrusting Into Place

Guys!  I just realized that I’ve only eat once today.  I am now incredibly hungry.  However, that we are moving, so everything has been packed and we haven’t gone grocery shopping in two weeks.  Actually, if I’m honest, it’s been more like a month.  There’s a frozen pizza down there… But is now 11 PM.  Don’t think that would be healthy.  I’m going to go make it.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
The leech has 32 brains because a brain segment is located in each segmentation of the body.

No Touching!
I didn’t order this!
How’d That Get in There
GoFundMe Some Satellites!

Words of Wisdom:
A leech will not quit the skin until sated with blood – Horace

Episode 395 – Hookup Con

Guys, Dcon was AMAZING!  Stephen and I had the absolute best time.  We walked until I thought my legs were going to fall off (actually, we waddled because there was no room to take a real step), we met with fantastic people, we laughed until we cried literal tears, and we learned that Oxford commas should always be a thing.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
Lt. Col. “Mad” Jack Churchill was a British soldier in WWII known to have killed an enemy soldier with a longbow. “Mad Jack” insisted on going into battle armed with both a medieval bow and a claymore sword.

Belgian hotel lets lonely guests rent goldfish for company for €3.50 a night
Woman threatens hotel employees and police, blames “vampires” for destroying her room
Swiss offer insect burgers of mealworm larvae
Behold The Fatberg: London’s 130-Ton, ‘Rock-Solid’ Sewer Blockage

Words of Wisdom:
Love planted a rose, and the world turned sweet. -Katharine Lee Bates

 

Episode 394 – Sucking Slurpies

I am reading a book series right now that I am in LOVE with!  I read the first one in two days (it would have been one, but adulting eats time I should be spending in books), and started the second one today.  It’s a trilogy and I talk about it on our Anchor station (HnH Show)!  Let us know what you are reading and what WE should read! Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week: A recent study found that people who read are two and a half times less likely to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Syndrome later on in life. Although this does not mean that reading will prevent the disease, it proves a slight relationship between reading and prevention.

German police seize thousands of ‘Trump’ ecstasy tablets
16-Year-Old Is Running for Kansas Governor Seat
At least fifteen teens receive treatment for rabies in Morocco after reportedly having sex with donkey
Wisconsin man accidentally shoots himself in the heart with nail gun, then drives to the ER

Words of Wisdom: “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set,  I go into the other room and read a book.” ― Groucho Marx

HNH Interlude – The Devil’s Toilet

We didn’t have H&H last week. Some of you may want to know why. Well, here’s the full story. If you use anchor.fm, you can actually receive content like this earlier! I originally posted this on Friday 8/18, over on that service. So check us out on Anchor and favorite the station to catch this content and more as soon as it happens 🙂

www.anchor.fm/hnh

Episode 393 – Voltaire’s Tea

I’ve decided women who type with fake long nails are meta-human.  There is no way you can go from bitten stubs to long-arse nails and be able to type with ease.  Mine have been growing the last couple weeks and are a bit past my finger tips (which is no mean feat considering I have bitten my nails since I was old enough to figure out my fingers would go into my mouth), and it is taking everything in me to type on the pads of my fingers and not my finger tips…. Voice to text is about to become real for me.  (Or I can just wait another week until I cannot control myself any longer and bite them off again.)

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
The art of reading tea leaves is called tasseography.

Cruise passengers ordered to switch off lights and music at night to ‘be prepared for pirate attack’
Dentist charged for treating patients while extremely drunk
‘Fried Fried Chicken Chicken’ beer contains real fried chicken
Walmart is apologizing after a display seemed to market guns as back-to-school items

Words of Wisdom:
A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Episode 392 – Plutonic Colonic

You know how naps are wonderful?  Some naps are definitely better than others.  Today my nap made me thirsty and I was quite annoyed that it did not turn into a full night’s sleep.  I crashed around 7:30 and I’m pretty sure I could have just slept twelve hours… but I woke up to do this wonderful show for you wonderful people 🙂

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
The word “ruby” comes from the Latin word rubens, meaning “red”.

France Has an Oyster Vending Machine
No one turns out for not so special election in Iowa town
Naked intruder tries to shower with woman, washes family’s dirty dishes in New Jersey home invasion
Chinese woman undergoes plastic surgery to evade $3.7M debt

Words of Wisdom:
I discovered that if one looks a little closer at this beautiful world, there are always red ants underneath. David Lynch

Episode 391 – Plastic Coated Tater-Tots

I am putting makeup on.  It is annoying.  I don’t want to paint my face tonight.  Sometimes it is fun.  Tonight I just wish I had naturally rolled out of bed looking like a VS model.  Maybe I should tattoo my face on.  That’s a thing.  I should do that.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
Worm-eating Bassian thrushes have been known to dislodge their prey from piles of leaves by directing their farts at them. The excretion of gas shifts the leaf-litter on the ground and apparently provokes worms to move around, revealing their location.

Divorcee destroys ex’s $1m violin collection in Japan
New Britain man gets 120 days in prison after killing pet fish in Bristol
Woman charged after alleged topless road rage incident
California man accused of smuggling deadly king cobras in potato chip cans

Words of Wisdom:
Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings. -Salvador Dali