Episode 457 – Butt Mode

Happy Valentine’s Day, you lovely people! I honestly used to hate it until I realized that it was more about the people I kept around me than the person I was dating. I have amazing family and friends and THOSE are the people I want to love on.

Jacob surprised me with a TINY LITTLE BONSAI and I am going to die. It is perfect and has one single bloom and he is so cute I forgot how to use commas!

We are getting together and having Taco Bell ^_^ Join us in celebrating the awesome people around you by eating tacos, listening to us gab, and a third thing that may or may not involve chocolate…

Shoutout to Our Amazing Og! Thank you for supporting the show! <3

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
The word bonsai means “tree in a flowerpot”. Contrary to what it may seem, it is not a genetically tiny tree but its small size is achieved thanks to a patient job of pruning and constant attention.

Assman, denied license plate, displays name across truck’s tailgate
Bear hitches ride atop North Carolina garbage truck
Universal Orlando Now Has A Butt-Naked Troll That Farts Glitter At Guests
HACKED SEX ROBOTS COULD MURDER PEOPLE, SECURITY EXPERT WARNS
Man accused of locking family inside house, setting it on fire after Cheez-It argument

Words of Wisdom:
Our brains are like bonsai trees, growing around our private versions of reality. -Sloane Crosley

Episode 456 – Urine Space

I have had SO many issues with needing to pee and having no where to go over the last two weeks. Yesterday, there was a giant hole in the floor and wall of my bathroom. I had to give the guys a heads up every time I went pee, so they wouldn’t peep their heads through like some sort of perverted meerkat.

Before that, the water was shut off, so I just went into the garage and peed in a cup… -_-

And NOW… they have the bathroom blocked off with a ladder and equipment because they are putting a hole in the ceiling right beside the door.

I just want to be able to pee… in a toilet… when I need to.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
The Chinese invented paper around 105 A.D. from hemp. Eventually, tree bark, bamboo, and other plant fibers were used in addition to hemp.

Indian man suing parents for giving birth to him ‘without his consent’
Bed bugs falling from lawyer’s clothing forced Oklahoma courthouse to close
El Paso Zoo will name a cockroach after your ex and feed it to their meerkats
Australian Fisherman uses Dead Shark as a Bong
Crypto boss dies holding only password to unlock $145m in customer coins

Words of Wisdom:
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward. -Amelia Earhart

Episode 455 – Nut Divot

Dear Lord. Two days ago the basement flooded (it’s where we are storing furniture and various boxes while we are renovating upstairs). Thank God it was just plane water as the downstairs tube backup with sewage. BLEHHHHH. I’ve never heard so many poop puns in my life. Jacob was on a roll.  Thankfully, a plumber was able to come the next day and sort everything out… after we spent five hours trying to fix the problem ourselves. The previous home owners hadn’t removed a clog…. flush out your drains people…. flush out your drains.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
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Factoid of the Week:
Most of us lump sewers under one category, but there are actually three distinct types of sewer systems: Foul or sanitary sewers, which carry wastewater from our homes into wastewater treatment plants; surface water or storm sewers, which carry rainwater from roof and roads into streams and rivers; and combined sewers, which are a single pipe system which carries both wastewater and surface water to wastewater treatment works.

Sinkhole turns out to be tunnel to bank
Police arrest woman for driving drunk on vanilla extract
KFC testing a Cheetos Chicken Sandwich complete with ‘special Cheetos sauce’
Drug exec gave doctor lap dance as part of fentanyl sales pitch
Walmart bans woman who rode cart while drinking wine from Pringles can

Words of Wisdom:
Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. -Tom Lehrer

Episode 454 – Meat of the Week

Jacob has been out of town, so I spent the night at my parents house… and was immediately reminded of being 13 again. Mom fussed at me for not dressing warmly enough, she fretted over me going to bed, she insisted on shoving money into my purse, and then forgot how to do anything technology related. I’m not complaining at all. I love my parents dearly. It’s just so funny how you can fall back into feeling like a child while around family. Now, listen for poop jokes!

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
Joel Roberts Poinsett introduced the poinsettia plant to the United States from Mexico. Poinsett was a botanist, physician and the first United States Ambassador to Mexico.

Brexit Box
Emotional Support Alligator
Vampires, diabetics, and pole dancers
Company selling boxes of used tissues for $80

Words of Wisdom:
Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature. -Gerard De Nerval

Episode 453 – What is the Fourth Hole

On this Episode, I admit my love for animojis, gush over my neighbor’s adorable German Shepherd puppy, and curse a lot! Actually, I always write these before the show… so I have no clue what we talked about. I bet it was something exciting, though. Like aardvarks and peanut butter. I want a lemon cookie.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
The name Aardvark comes from South Africa’s Afrikaans language and means ‘earth pig’ or ‘ground pig’. Aardvarks are also known as ‘antbears’, ‘anteaters’, ‘Cape anteater’ and ‘earth hogs’.

Toto’s ‘Africa’ to play on endless loop ‘for all eternity’ in Namib Desert
‘I’m not here’: Fugitive leaves note on mattress before being found in dresser
Man injects himself with his own semen in an effort to treat back pain
Man stabbed 13 times by his girlfriend PROPOSES to her in Russian court

Words of Wisdom:
Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’ -Martin Luther King, Jr.

Episode 452

I’ve started playing Ocarina of Time again… and holy CRAP, it is an amazing game. Some parts still frustrate me (water…. temple…), but, overall, it is fantastic. One thing I did notice this play through (of 4 billion), is that things that irked me or had me stuck when I was younger are things that still hang me up now. Typically, it’s a device only used ONCE in the game and never again… like blowing up a pile of dirt in the shadow temple.  Now, with BoTW, you expect to look for things under piles of dirt or leaves, but at the time OoT came out… one off little devices like that were so annoying! It kinda felt like cheating.

I’ve been playing on my 3DSXL while Jacob has been chasing white Arabians in RdR2….

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
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Factoid of the Week:
While most mammals have claws to help them with daily tasks, fingernails are something that distinguish primates (including humans) from the rest of the group.

The Antichrist will control mankind through smartphones, warns leader of Russian Orthodox Church
Police warned drivers to not eat chicken tenders spilled on Alabama highway
Woman argues her coat chewing cause failed Breathalyzer test
Police hunt for man caught on camera licking family’s doorbell for 3 hours

Words of Wisdom:
Man is a wingless animal with two feet and flat nails. -Plato

Episode 451 – The Sovereign State of Uranus

You know how some days’ passage of time seems to slow down and take at least triple the actual time, and some days go by so quickly, that you are convinced time goblins are eating your day away? I wonder what causes that? I don’t think it’s necessarily a fun event or being busy, because those seem to go by quickly, slowly, and regularly as well as the days of leisure and being bored. Einstein talked about it, but I wonder if he had a pact with time fairies to keep us off the scent?

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
The process that caramelizes toast — cooking the sugars in the bread and turning them golden-brown — begins at 310 degrees Fahrenheit and is called the Maillard reaction, which gives toast its flavor and its crunch.

Dutch astronaut accidentally called 911 from space
City of Keene in Dispute with Local Restaurant Owner Over ‘Pho Keene Great’ Name
Constipated man has life-saving surgery after inserting a massive LIVE EEL up his bum
Lack of hot sauce leads to shooting at Taco Bell

Words of Wisdom:
If you’re in the game long enough, you’re going to be the toast of the town one day, and the next day you’ll be toast. -Alan K. Simpson

Episode 450 – Yoga Harder

How was your Christmas/Holiday Extravaganza/Maximizm day? Good? I hope it was good. I am still in need of a nap from the last week. I did make it back into the gym today, so that was a positive… and BEFORE the new year, so I cannot be mistaken for one of those two-monthers that swarm the gym right after New Years. 😀

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
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Factoid of the Week:
Legend has it the first cheese was created accidentally, by storing milk in a container lined with an animal’s stomach. An enzyme from the stomach caused the milk to separate into liquid (whey) and solids (curd).

Man held after using front-end loader to make get-away
Women charged in ill-timed theft at Target store filled with cops
Missouri poacher ordered to repeatedly watch ‘Bambi’
Man tried to pay for McDonald’s with bag of weed

Words of Wisdom:
Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. -Luis Bunuel

Episode 448 – Fairly Satisfied

There was a tiny lizard-thing in my sun room today! He went to the door, so I let him out… and he just sort of moseyed out the door and stopped to drink rain water out of a small puddle. It was adorable. I kept trying to get him to move so I could shut the door, but he wouldn’t really budge.

My dad wanted me to keep the door open so he could come back in, if he wanted. We run a lizard B&B.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
Peppermint has been referenced in Greek mythology; the nymph ‘Mentha’ angered Persephone so much she was punished by transformation into its plant form, emitting the powerful smell any time she was touched. Beyond myth, Aristotle believed the herb to be a natural aphrodisiac, and Alexander the Great was rumored to forbid soldiers to consume peppermint for fear that it conjured erotic and distracting feelings.

Elvis Presley traffic lights appear in German town of FriedbergMan freed from jail steals car from its parking lot, police say
Spend A Night At The ‘Christmas Story’ House To Get Into The Holiday Spirit
Utah man accused of hammering ice pick through man’s penis
Dungeons & Dragons dice decide the winner of a California election

Words of Wisdom:
It is the destiny of mint to be crushed. -Waverley Lewis Root

Episode 447 – Fillin’ Gaps

I went to the dentist on Monday… and they had to drill my tooth on THREE separate occasions. Once they went in laterally… it didn’t work.  Then, they went ion horizontally and filled the cary… and it was too tight…. so they had toi drill THROUGH the filling and then fill it again…. So, Monday was a flaming pike of crap. It took an hour to have one tiny little spot fixed. And it wasn’t even a spot I could have helped! My teeth are too close together and they rub and crate weak spots.  At least I’ve never had to have braces.  It was hell, guys.  It was hell.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
Where does the word does the word pants come from? It is derived from a character in Italian comedy called Pantalone. He wore garments that came down to his ankles (when most men wore ones that came to the knee). In 18th century England they were called pantaloons. In the 19th century the word became shortened to pants.

Sweden plans to make sex toys safer because so many people get them stuck in their rectum
Amazon workers sent to hospital after robot accidentally unleashes bear spray
Ohio State students get bacon vending machine
Marines Who Drew Sky Penis Over Southern California Get To Keep Flying
Woman passes gas in store, then pulls knife on an offended customer, cops say

Words of Wisdom:
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. -Winston Churchill