Episode 316 – Nerd Jerk

Tonight’s episode of H&H was absolutely off the wall. By that I mean that we had absolutely no notes to go by, and actually loved every minute of it. There were mad libs, weird stories, frank conversations, and more! Enjoy!

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Condom Pants
Weiner in a can

Episode 299 – Get To Da Choppa

I ate green beans. So, Steph and I are joining a gym and going to workout at 5 freaking in the am. Also, Stephen gave me the soundboard tonight and that was perhaps a mistake. Never give me buttons. I want to press all the buttons. Just to see what the noises are. Puddie Puddie! Omg. Stuck in mah head. Ummmmmm, I am running out of things to write, but I have to fill up space because this is what goes here. Ep 300 is soon and Arnold through the Ages. SO EXCITED! Ok, I’m done.

Factoid of the Week:
The silkworm consumes 86,000 times its own weight in 56 days.

Shrink-wrapped Couples
Twins Share Boyfriend
Man Cooks and Eats His Hip
Couple Stops Trial with Sex

Words of Wisdom:
I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

Episode 298 – Turtle Puddin’ Power

… — –..– / -.. .. -.. / .- -. -.– — -. . / – .- -.- . / – …. . / – .. — . / – — / – .-. .- -. … .-.. .- – . / – …. .. … ..–.. / -… . -.-. .- ..- … . / – …. .- – / .– — ..- .-.. -.. / -… . / .–. .-. . – – -.– / .- .– . … — — . .-.-.- / .– . / … …. — ..- .-.. -.. / …. .- -. –. / — ..- – / … — — . / – .. — . .-.-.- / -.. .-. .. -. -.- / — — .-. . / — …- .- .-.. – .. -. . –..– / .–. .-.. . .- … . ?

Factoid of the Week:
City with the most Rolls Royces per capita: Hong Kong

France Orders 2000 Too-Big-Trains
School Cancels Honor’s Awards
Thieves Accidentally Steal Baby

Words of Wisdom:
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.
Oscar Wilde

Episode 297 – Rootin’ Tootin’ Poopin’ Ninjas

I just watched tiny hamsters eating even tinier burritos… at a tiny hamster dining table with tiny hammy lights and a tiny hammy table cloth. It was probably the greatest thing I have ever seen. I have never been so happy. Also, there is a thing called a Penis Fish. No. really. A penis fish. Stephen and I just sat and watched 12 mins of weird animals on youtube. I want the ones that do not look like a penis. Imagine a penis swimming around in the ocean. Whut.

Factoid of the Week:
Female kangaroos have three vaginas.

Lonely teenagers befriend cabbages
Man Wants to Marry Pr0nBook
Pop Rock Vagina
Serial Pooper

Words of Wisdom:
Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln

Episode 296 – Butthole Fuzz Muffin

So, did you know that prostitution is legal in Germany? How did I not know this? I know it’s a thing for hookers to dye their hair red so they can be identified, but holy crap! I’m sleepy and I start my new job morrow (YAY) and I still wanna take a walk with Stephen and my sister and I’m totally not going to pack a lunch because I’m going to this Greek place tomorrow because it’s delicious and NOM NOM they have veggie gyros ^_^ i want one meow.

Factoid of the Week:
The longest time between two twins being born is 87 days.

Hooker App
200 Vagina Pills
Semen Cupcakes
50 Shades of WTF

Words of Wisdom:
A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare

Episode 295 – Click, Click, Boobs

I went out with a couple friends this weekend, and one of them ordered this tempura-yam-sushi-stuff that was probably the best food item I have placed into my mouth in ages. I want more right MEOW. I am always hungry when I write the intro’s for the show. Someone go get me sushi! Stephen is listening to some sort of Finnish sperm Elmo that is bouncing around on youtube… and even thought I cannot understand the words that the happy, bouncy, Finnish-sperm-Elmo is saying… it is now stuck in my head and I would like to hear it again. Why, Internet… why?

Factoid of the Week:
40 percent of food is thrown out in the US every year, or about $165 billion worth. All of this uneaten food could feed 25 million Americans.

Prisoner Claims Jedi as Religion
Kid Found in Claw Machine
Woman Finds Bird Leg in Spinach
Undercover Amish Pervstopper Copper

Words of Wisdom:
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.
Yogi Berra

Episode 294 – Take This Plane and Shove It

Well, It was nice and Spring-y at the HnH HQ, and then an evil weevil decided to gnaw on the Spring Tree’s roots and brought back a second wave of WINTER! It sucks. It also sucks that I would prbably punch a baby in the face for some French Fries smothered in chilli and cheese right now. I’m on the second day of my juice feast (and while I am getting 1200 calories a day), I want to CHEW on things that are NOT good for me! This is so hard. QQ.

Factoid of the Week:
A female rabbit is called a doe.
A male rabbit is called a buck.
A young rabbit is called a kit (or kitten).
RABBITS HAVE NO IDENTITY

Thief Chows Down on Plunder
Reason #4 The Wright Brothers Hate Airlines
Don’t Flush Your Sex Toys
Cabbie Stabbed for Refusing Sex

Words of Wisdom:
We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine.
Dwight L. Moody

Episode 293 – 7 Years of Pants

So, I started an all out WAR on stupid FaceBook by simply stating: “I. Hate. Windows.” 70 some comments later and people are unfriending and quitting FB and throwing each other’s children into oncoming traffic. Holy balls. Forget race, religion, or politics… if you want to cause WWIII, make a casual comment about your frustrations with either Mac or PC. The hordes will descend and beat each other into bloody masses because you obviously have to be a total moron to use one over the other. The hell just happened!?

Factoid of the Week:
Months that begin on a Sunday always have a Friday the 13th in them.

French People are Dumb
Florida Woman’s Boobie Rampage
This is why I don’t dairy
Court Stenographer Fired for Hating His Job

Words of Wisdom:
Do not let Sunday be taken from you. If your soul has no Sunday, it becomes an orphan.
Albert Schweitzer

Episode 292 – Three Minute Microphone

There is a squirrel watching me. No, seriously… it’s camping the seed on the deck and just STARING at me. I decided to try and get some sunlight today because I have not had any in about 6 months. Winter has been LAME this year. LAME. It has been hanging around like cigarette smoke under a carport. I think I made my white skin pink; perhaps that will turn into a tan at some point this summer. Speaking of squirrels… the factoid this week is interesting.

Factoid of the Week:
Male Cape ground squirrels have really big genitalia, relatively speaking. Their penises are 40 percent of the length of their body, while their testicles are about half that length. The lengthy penis is something they use to their utmost advantage during masturbation, and their technique has reached what many consider a holy grail: The squirrels bend over and stick their penis in their own mouth.

Master Splinter Attacks
Zombie Repellent Perfume
Man Saves Baby Porcupine
Drunk College Student

Words of Wisdom:
The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest.
 – Henry David Thoreau