Episode 47 – “Brown Chicken Brown Cow”

Ok, so, I have had the plague for the last week, and it has just about liquidated my insides ebola style. I have taken enough medication that I thought I was from a different dimension at one point; I have slept for entire days; I have eaten really well; and kept exorbitantly warm… and still I have the phage. I want to get better! On that note, I sound a bit like a whale in this episode (which is entertaining in and of itself). The content is also pretty amusing: a church with sexual commandments, a man who literally got nailed in the nuts, and a man who thinks all your tacos are belong to him.
Factoid of the Week:
Oysters can change gender according to the temperature of the water they live in

Personally, I’d rather be slapped with a ruler…
Crazy men in Japanese school girl uniforms. A new trend, or just another random idiot?
I Want To Attend This Church
I So Did Not Order That
As if our arteries could handle anymore…
Talk about getting nailed…
All Your Tacos Are Belong To Me
Man Drives Stolen Car to Police Station

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Running Time: 51:34

Down With The Sickness

I have come down with the phage, or the plague, or ebola, or maybe zombieitus. My throat is melting, I can’t breath, I’m all achy and weak, and the copious amounts of cold medicines that I am on make me want to sleep all day. I will either emerge victorious… or as the living dead. Either way it might be neat. The point of my whining? I cannot speak, let alone without coughing, so the show is off until I stop dying ūüėź
Sacrifice a virgin for me if you think about it… or gift baskets of cough drops might be a pleasing substitute.

-Ash

Episode 46 – “Two All Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese”

Wow, this weekend has been conspiring against us! The SUC heads attacked, mini-bears looted our HQ, our mixer exploded, I forgot how to swallow water, and my parents were here (four people in a two bedroom apartment = lame). We finally managed to emerge the victors, however! Huzzah for perseverance. Today’s episode comes to you complete with ninja kitties, flying moose, and freshly baked rodents. Yum!
Factoid of the Week:
One cubic foot of gold weighs more than a half ton

Do-Gooder Accused of Do-Badding
Online Prostitution! Coming To A City Near you!
Who Let The Chickens Out?
Ninja Kitty Evades Firemen
Falling Rock…er, MOOSE!
Fresh Baked Rodent
The Phone Is Mightier Than The Tazer
Grandma Wields An Axe
Firefighter Arrested on DUI…While Driving The Fire Truck

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Running Time: 46:35

Damn The Gremlins

Well, all our happiness came crashing down on our big, fat, happy heads this evening while attempting to make up Friday’s show. Our mixer imploded upon itself, and is now a very expensive paper weight that mocks is with ever button that refuses to light up. Stephen has sold a lung, and now has enough to buy a replacement mixer. He is planning on doing this posthaste.
Something about today just did not like us, or the people around us. One of our friends went to the hospital due to sever seizures, I almost choked to death (apparently inhaling while drinking is not on the “top ten most recommended things to do” list), and our mixer decides that it is sick of having our voices float through it once a week.

Someone go do some voodoo for us, and help us get back on track!

I also hear that dragons take kindly to virgins… if anyone can find one of those?

Thanks for your patience!

-Ash

Episode 45 – “If All Else Fails, I’ll Just Recycle My Urine”

I went out tonight thinking I was going to get some yummy German food… only to find out that it had been replaced! Then I drove downtown and parked, ready for my second choice… but it was overran by small children and country music! So I walked to a Japanese place and got Kistune Udon! It was so good. So good. But the cheesecake… not so much >_<
Either way, the show tonight is wonderful, as always! We give you the secret of the Highlander, reasons why you shouldn’t swallow keys, and… is anyone out there missing their scalp?

Factoid of the Week:
If the human body had the same mass as the sun, it would actually produce MORE heat 

Things You Shouldnt Swallow:
New Sitcom Idea?
German Bank Robbers… Or Not?
Mayoral Dog Napper
Buckle Your Beer Up¬† <–Submitted by Max of Analog Medium
Handcuffs: Fun For All Ages
Houdini Couldnt Have Done Better
Anyone Missing Their Scalp?
The Lion, The Witch, and The Dead Guy
Call Her Grandma Crank
Immortal Baby
Small Plane Crashes in Tallahassee 

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Running Time: 57:23

Episode 44 – “Rootie Tootie Fresh and Fruity”

So, we were a tad late with posting this because I went out to eat and to see a horrible movie… I’m never let a group of five girls pick the movie ever again! I’m also going skiing tomorrow, which means a 6am wake up call. Yay! Hopefully, you guys are listening to this when you aren’t tired, and I haven’t broken my leg. So, stay tuned for inflatable dolls that lose their moans, 89 frozen ferrets, human tongue risotto, and a man arrested for dunk driving his lawn mower!
Factoid of the Week:
Roughly 2.2 million Americans can play the accordian

Shark Attack!
109-year-old Gets a Passport
Man got a stupid idea…then acted on it
Deaf Due to Cotton!
Inflatable doll lost its moan
Why Sterilization Should Take Place
Frigid Frozen Ferrets
Body Parts Stolen
Human Tongue Hospital Food
Man Takes Mower on Beer Run <— Submitted by Frankie U.
Double Dog Dummies
Pr0n Search on Nun’s Computer

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Running Time: 1:01:55

 

Episode 43 – “Hits Harder Than a Sock Full of Pennies!”

Dedicated to Heath Ledger: 1979 – 2008
I just got into an argument with my mother over whether or not I washed the towels in my bathroom… while that was annoying and fruitless; Episode 43 is neither! So, if you ever find yourself arguing over something completely asinine… turn up this episode and blast the other person out of the room with a kitty that has its own God Mode, a pack of thieving underpants gnomes, and an theft-proof vehicle… that was stolen!

Factoid of the Week:
Premature infants are five times more likely to be left handed

Snakes on a Plane!
A Boomerang Returns
Theft-proof car Stolen
Soon-To-Be-Super-Hero
Wolfman Looking for Love
Singing Duck
Underpants Gnomes are Real! <— Submitted by Frankie U.
The Blob Attacks!
Man Ate Rotten Meat
Kitty Has God Mode
Robber Shoots Himself in the Foot
Reason 105 Why Stealing is Bad <—- Submitted by Frankie U.

Extras!: 
Wizzywig: Volume 1 by Ed Piskor!
Think Twice Buttons! Great service and excellent quality for all your button needs!

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Running Time: 1:05

Episode 42 – “Oh gross, I just ate tuna off my foot!”

Omg, I am going to be late for Cloverfield tonight! But, Horseshoes and Hand Grenades comes first, and my personal life can swirl down the toilets like a spider that you found on your wall, but didn’t want to squish because you thought that would be evil, but it was just as bad because you drowned the poor thing. On this “Ashley is Hyper as Hell” version of H and H we have for you, sex toys that have hopes of exploding, zombie fisherman, and a man who thinks the neighborhood washing machine is his toilet. Oh yeah.
Factoid of the Week:
The world’s five smallest countries could easily fit inside Walt Disney World¬†

Sex Toy Bomb Scare
Zombie Fisherman
Police-cicle
Ever neutered a truck? Me neither <– Submitted by VoodooSnowFlakes
Computer Translates Dog
Mile High Flight
Pickles: Now with dead rodent parts! Yummy!
Don’t Poo in the Laundry
Forced Rectal Exam
Now this is a drinker!   <РSubmitted by Frankie U.
Reason #3487 you should be listening! <–Submitted by VoodooSnowFlakes
Sheriff Charged with Theft <–Submitted by Max @ Analogmedium.com

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Running Time: 1 Hour

Episode 41 – “I Don’t Jack Bullets!”

This is, alas, my last day down in Florida for some time. Q Q! This was also an amazingly hilarious show, and I REALLY have to pee from laughing so much. I bought Stephen a book of useless information yesterday, so this show is even more chock full of useless info that will stretch your brain to amazing proportions… which is always entertaining. We’ve got the world’s biggest ass tumor, a kid who glued himself to his bed to avoid going to school, and a man who sends dead cow head hate mail. Don’t make me go back home!
NOTE: Sorry for the late release. Assassin’s Creed swallowed my brain 0_o

Factoid of the Week:
The average child recognizes more than 200 company logos by the time he enters elementary school

Con Man Lives in Hospitals
WorldZ Biggest Ass Tumor
Lucky Man’s concrete mistake
Weekend at Bernie’s: The Live Show
Boy Glues himself to Bed
Russian Bridge Thieves
Drunk German in Poland (again)
Dead to Heat the Living
Dead Mouse Found in Beer
Kid Killed over Milk Duds
Cow Head Hate Mail

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Running Time: 1 Hour

Episode 40 Live – “That is NOT Where the Ears Go!”

FORTY Episodes… that is forty weeks of wondiferous Horseshoes and Hand Grenades goodness. Thanks to everyone that showed up for the show, you guys are bloody amazing and we seriously wouldn’t be here without you (well, we might, but we would be slightly pathetic with delusions of grandeur). Our next milestone is episode fifty and we can not wait! Stephen and I hope that your New Years was fantastic, and we look forward to bonding with you and making you laugh for the next year to come. In this, our goofiest of live episodes, we bring you senior citizen ninjas, massive panties that put out fires, an 11-year-old that thought he was Luke Skywalker, robot sex, and evil GPS systems.
Factoid of the Week:
The world’s first animated TV ad was created by Dr. Seuss in 1949, for the Ford Motor Company¬†

Panties Save the Day
Laundry also saves the day!
World’s Oldest Ninja
Things left in Travelodges in 07
Biggest Coincidence… EVAR
Stephen’s Hero
Speeder thinks himself an ostrich
Robot sex by 2050
Dork Impales himself
Pearl of a Time
TomTom’s are evil…
TomTom’s are evil^2
“Y’all fat, y’all eat too much!”

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Running Time: 1 Hour 15 Minutes  <РIt was LIVE! Give us a break!