Episode 25 – “My Ear Hurts”

Well, we are releasing this a tad late on Friday, but Stephen just had to go see RE (and apparently regretted it), and we all know what happens when Stephen is tired. Since this is a late night show strap yourself in for a lot of gratuitous boob mentioning, lip biting, and lightening sex! Look for ward to a listener “WTF”, and me chucking my cat across the computer room after I stop her from marching on my bladder. Grrr.
UPDATE: OOPS! Stephen screwed up in the mix down and left a sound check track in the mp3! It’s been reposted as of Saturday night. Thanks Frankie for point out that Stephen’s an idiot 🙂

Factoid of the Week:
Fully grown, Argentina’s Falabella horses are only 16 inches tall. They’re the smallest horses on earth!

Girl gets excited and bites off boyfriend’s lip!
Two girls fight for their right to bear boobies!
A Stephen Siting!
Attention Seniors: Please carry ID <—- Submitted by Chris Griffin
Couple learns they have been cheating online with EACH OTHER!

Chris Crocker gets a Reality TV deal!??! WTF!?!
Biker’s Penis hit by lightning!!
Old guy gets teeth stolen in bar fight
Restaurant lets you have sex with food BEFORE you eat it
Zombies for realZ!<— submitted by Max @ analogmedium.com
German guy smuggles sex toys out of Germany inside sausages!
Man puts venemous snake in his mouth, guess what happened <— submitted by Frankie U
Idiot sends text message to police trying to sell “reefer”
Assault with a deadly onion!

Download it Here (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 53 Minutes

Episode 24 – “Does a One Legged Duck Swim in a Circle?”

We haven’t found any one-legged ducks in our travels across the vast information dump that is the internet this week, BUT we did find some toe licking phone thieves! Stephen invited him over at one point and it just started getting weird when he duct-tapped us up and made us take off our shoes… Either way, we still persevered and made this show just for you! (If at any point we giggle for no reason during the show… that would be the toe-licker).
Factoid of the Week
Average speed of a golf ball in flight during the PGA Tour: 160 mph

Mugger pwnd by blind man
Procreate and you may win a free car!
Guy sets fire to his car over that which matters most….a soccer game
Toe licking bandit strikes small town Minnesota
Confused cop
Taiwanese woman’s BOOB explodes!
Just… ew
French service makes crap up for horny folks!
Man injects love interest with BLOOD
Mean boss fires a guy for being awesome
Inmates upset over lack of sausage!
Man steals a car to turn himself in!
Trio gets hooked on fake heroin

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save as…)
Running Time: 50 Minutes

Episode 23 – “Fiery Pancakes From HELL!!!”

By now, with your great skills in observations, I imagine you have noticed that the show is a tad late. I greatly apologize, but I was at the Austin GDC and you wouldn’t have gone back to your hotel to do the show either! However, to make it up, this show is absolutely orgasmicly wonderful in it’s awesomeness! Stephen and I were both on the ball and hyper and just really enjoyed making this one. There are greased up naked men, Pot-selling morons, and a Man that just couldn’t seem to keep his pants with him. While you’re listening, check out the pictures I took of the conference on our message board!
Factoid of the Week:
Due to the angle at which the optic nerve enters the brain, staring at a blue surface during sex greatly increases the intensity of orgasms

Leeches invade homes in Japan <–submitted by Frankie U
U(ruguay) got served
Ugly people apparently stem from Italy
New Jersey man gets DUI for sleeping in parked car
Idiots have never heard the word “stealth”
Squirrels now attacking the innocent
22 year old man assaults father with CHEETOS
Man arrested for driving nude in Indiana <– submitted by Frankie U
Funeral Plans kept on ice
Parenting tips
Grandfather has 100 grankids! <– submitted by Frankie U
Moose attacks lady’s house!
That’s one expensive pair of pants

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 51 minutes

Episode 22 – “Where the hell is Irwin?!”

Today started out with me spilling copious amounts of soy milk down my pants only to have it puddle at my feet as I stared incredulously. As such, this proved to be a GOOD thing because our show went off without a hitch! No technical difficulties, no crying babies, no bleeding virgins that refuse to die in the name of our show. Stephen, assisted by Frankie U, got some amazingly hilarious and penis heavy news this week, and even one account of a man biting his girlfriend’s snake. Yeah, we were confused too.
Factoid of the Week:
The fear of having peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth is Arachibutyrophobia

Never steal from a shop in the Holy Land…if you are an idiot <–submitted by Frankie U.
Man accused of biting his girlfriend’s snake <–submitted by Frankie U.
Weekly World News shuts its doors!
93 year old crackhead gets busted <–submitted by Frankie U.
Tag banned at elementary school due to a bunch of WHINERS!
Leona Helmsley was an ASS
German man leaves his dead grandmother in a chair for 2 years! <–submitted by Frankie U.
Your penis belongs in a museum!
Ancient walrus penis sells for $8,000
Teen ninjas have yet to master “ninja-vanish”, get caught being stupid
Idiot prints off fake money for a strip club
Man mugged for 4$

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 52 Minutes

Episode 21 – “Yeah Baby, Like a CAT!”

Well, save for Ashley muting herself halfway through the show… everything went SWIMMINGLY! Whoever sacrificed virgin babies… we thank you. In this wow-a-licious episode we’ve got a toddler who thinks he is Mario, a Japanese man who fingered the Prime Minister Abe, sex toys used as a weapon, and a dwarf who glued himself to a vacuum cleaner. What more could one person ask for in electronic entertainment? We say nothing, and we will eat a scorpion if you don’t agree!*
*Members of Horseshoes and Hand Grenades will not really eat any scorpions at any time unless we are starving to death on an island, and short of death, eating the scorpion is our only hope of survival.

Factoid of the Week:
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

Toddler survives 7 story fall!
How NOT to play frisbee
Japanese man fingers the PM
Sex toys are NOT guns
Insured against Nessie?
How not to make grilled poultry
Nude virgins caught up in the HEAT of the moment
Dwarf gets penis stuck in vacuum cleaner
Forensic expert gets fired after using the DNA lab to test her husband’s pants
Topless car wash
Man lost for hours after jumping overboard to fetch beer bong
Drop your drawers in Brattleboro, VT
Best seX evar!
Town perturbed after left with NO police for a night.

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save as…)
Running Time: 51 Minutes

Episode 19 – “Let’s Trip the Light Fantastic, Baby!”

Our 19th episode is CRAMMED with obscure, gross, hilarious, and oh-so-cute news! We couldn’t decide what was worthy and what should be chucked… so we kept it all! I’m writing this before we record in the hopes that the gods of podcasting will shine down upon this, oh wickedest, of episodes and make the quality shiney. We’ve got a follow up from episode 6, hello kitty, and a Swedish grandmother’s angry beaver! What more could you ask for in a 40 min show?
Post Note: Sorry for the delay, but the podcasting gods decided not to shine down upon us and gave us a ton of crap while we were trying to complete this nugget of awesomeness. But we have it now! This is take 2 of the show, as take 1 didn’t come out right. I do think that this one turned out much better and it may have been that the gods were doing us a favor 🙂

Factoid of the Week:
A blue whale’s heart is as big as a compact car

61 Year old Italian man lives at home with mother! Gets grounded!
Hello Kitty the new Thai enforcer  <– Submitted by Corvus of CorvusCrow.net 
German woman has pencil in head removed after 55 years <– Submitted by Max of AnalogMedium.com
Swedish grandmother attacked by beaver while swimming
FOLLOW UP: Armless one-legged man gets 5 years for drunk driving incident!  <– Follow up to Episode 6 Story
Giant Lego man found in Dutch Sea <– Submitted by Matt
Drunk man attacks cop… 45 times
Sweden people love pee and poo…..gross
Woman kept dead husband for a year <– Submitted by Matt
19 year old woman suspected of sex with 14 year old
Don’t screw with an angry senior citizen
Wheelchair Pr0n
Holy man jogs in the nude

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 46 Minutes

Episode 18 – “Ya Know, Your Face Doesn’t Have Windshield Wipers”

ARGH! Someone must really enjoy watching Stephen and I suffer. I assploded my mic right before the show somehow and had to make a mad dash to the cesspool that is Wal*Mart. When I arrived, I closed my eyes and drove through the parking lot (everyone else seems to do it) and found a halfway decent parking spot (SCORE!). I raced to the back of the store and snagged the only USB headset with a mic I could find in the illustrious city of Beckley. I was making good time until I reached the front of the store. NONE of the self check-outs were open and only two people were working the front. Stupid Wal*Mart. Stupid mic. In this episode, we bring you: evil squirrels (again), evil monkeys, evil dogs, and evil dentists!
We go through hell and Wal*Mart to bring you this show. Enjoy! 😛

Factoid of the Week:
The average house cat will spend 10,950 hours of its lifetime purring

Kids are dumb
Inmates dance to Michael Jackson hit in Filipino prison
Finnish Squirrel steals chocoloate!
What to do when being raped
Monkeys to be Squirrel’s new henchmen
Dog no longer man’s best friend
2 Fast and 2 Stupid
Horse Manure is only good in moderation
Faking child’s death = not smart
Advanced shooting class leads to…. shooting < —- from Register-Herald newspaper (Beckley, WV)
Dentists are EVIL <– Sent in by Max from AnalogMedium.com

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 43 Minutes

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades wants YOU!

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades will be celebrating its 20th Episode on August 17, 2007!
It’s hard to believe that Stephen and Ashley have been bringing you the best (and the worst) in stupid news for the last 17 sex-and-poo-filled weeks! But, since the beginning of recorded history, people have been performing grossly stupid acts that we feel compelled to share with the public.

In two weeks Horseshoes and Hand Grenades hit the big two oh, and we want you to be a part of it!

At a designated time on August 17th (yet to be announced) we will be doing a live airing of our show, and we want the listeners to call in with their opinions, comments, and utter disregard for Stephen as a co-host.

All you have to do is get Skype: http://www.skype.com/ and then add Stephen: fulltangninja and Ashley: phatekills to your friends list.

Make sure you have a mike with headphones so you can listen to us w/o causing an echo during the show! (We found this out the hard way.)

For now, think on this: What does “WTF!?” mean to you?

We will have a special time during the show for you all to call in and tell us what the acronym WTF!? means to you. I’m sure we will have an awesome prize lined up for the more creative entries.

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades airs every Friday evening!

-Ash

Episode 17 – “These Windows Are So Translucent!”

Praise the great gopher in the sky, this ep went out ON TIME and the ninja monkies were kept at bay! However, Stephen is hyper off his face due to Bawls intake, and Ashley is wicked tired due to never sleeping. We bring you horny hedgehogs, women recycling themselves, virgins raping produce, and wicked sex solicitors forced to dress as chickens. Don’t forget to register on the new forum by clicking here!
Factoid of the Week:
A cockroach can live without it’s head for 10 days

Lovemaking hedgehogs disturb the peace in Germany
Dead woman answers door
Woman recycles herself
Grim Reaper Kitty
Virgins exposed as the secret to good weather
Maid jailed for serving up urine
Necrophelia is ooookay in Wisconsin
Inmate convicted of indecent exposure
Chihuahua takes on rattlesnake
Soliciting sex ends in a fowl arrangment

Download it Here! (Right-Click, Save as…)
Running Time: 44 minutes

Episode 14 – “The Only Good Kitty is a Shaved Kitty”

And Stephen and I are back again in all our insulting glory! We have rabid foxes, pissed grannies, vampyr peacocks, and a wicked contest for our listeners in this episode. We spent all of an hour trolling the net to bring you these gems of stupidity, and we know you will enjoy… because we know where you live. We hope our listeners from the USA enjoyed the fourth this week, but be warned: any drunken act of stupidity on your part might just land you on our show.
Factoid of the Week:
The amount of carbon in the human body could fill about 9,000 pencils 

Anti-Violence rally turns to violence
Book-toting granny pegs thief
Cafe hires only the sexy… for charity
Man beats peacock to death, proclaims it is a vampire
Would you like a slice of pr0n with that?
Garden gnomes are Fl’s weapon of choice
Angelina’s Boobies make you smart
Dinner guest finds more than peas in the freeZer
Blinded by love
Man with shyte-iest luck on earth
5-year-old pwns rabid fox

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 40 Minutes