Episode 21 – “Yeah Baby, Like a CAT!”

Well, save for Ashley muting herself halfway through the show… everything went SWIMMINGLY! Whoever sacrificed virgin babies… we thank you. In this wow-a-licious episode we’ve got a toddler who thinks he is Mario, a Japanese man who fingered the Prime Minister Abe, sex toys used as a weapon, and a dwarf who glued himself to a vacuum cleaner. What more could one person ask for in electronic entertainment? We say nothing, and we will eat a scorpion if you don’t agree!*
*Members of Horseshoes and Hand Grenades will not really eat any scorpions at any time unless we are starving to death on an island, and short of death, eating the scorpion is our only hope of survival.

Factoid of the Week:
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

Toddler survives 7 story fall!
How NOT to play frisbee
Japanese man fingers the PM
Sex toys are NOT guns
Insured against Nessie?
How not to make grilled poultry
Nude virgins caught up in the HEAT of the moment
Dwarf gets penis stuck in vacuum cleaner
Forensic expert gets fired after using the DNA lab to test her husband’s pants
Topless car wash
Man lost for hours after jumping overboard to fetch beer bong
Drop your drawers in Brattleboro, VT
Best seX evar!
Town perturbed after left with NO police for a night.

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Running Time: 51 Minutes

Episode 20 – “Where Did My Thing Go?”

This has been the most entertaining show to make yet! Thanks SO much to Jared, K-man, Mark, Chris, and Producer Bill for participating in our pseudo live show. And thanks to Frankie U for submitting stories for the week. We have an amazing line-up for you this week with exploding chickens, thieving goats, poor nuns, and potato peelers gone rogue.
Give us some feedback! Did you enjoy the layout? Did you love the pseudo liveness?

Factoid of the Week:
Blood travels 60,000 miles (96,450KM) a day as it circulates through the human body

Drunk driving German kills 300 chickens!
German goats are thieves! <–Submitted by Corvus of CorvusCrow.net
What do potato peelers and water guns have in common? <–Also from Corvus
Just Rewards
Things to never do #1<–Submitted by Frankie U.
Get hooked on SCUBA
Biker get a real “leg up” on race<–Submitted by Frankie U.
Fast food… UGH
Naked man attacks… and dies o_O
Squirrels have new henchmen<–Submitted by Frankie U.
Teenager attempts to win Darwin Award<–Submitted by Frankie U.
Mistaken Identity can be painful

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Running Time: 54 Minutes

Episode 19 – “Let’s Trip the Light Fantastic, Baby!”

Our 19th episode is CRAMMED with obscure, gross, hilarious, and oh-so-cute news! We couldn’t decide what was worthy and what should be chucked… so we kept it all! I’m writing this before we record in the hopes that the gods of podcasting will shine down upon this, oh wickedest, of episodes and make the quality shiney. We’ve got a follow up from episode 6, hello kitty, and a Swedish grandmother’s angry beaver! What more could you ask for in a 40 min show?
Post Note: Sorry for the delay, but the podcasting gods decided not to shine down upon us and gave us a ton of crap while we were trying to complete this nugget of awesomeness. But we have it now! This is take 2 of the show, as take 1 didn’t come out right. I do think that this one turned out much better and it may have been that the gods were doing us a favor 🙂

Factoid of the Week:
A blue whale’s heart is as big as a compact car

61 Year old Italian man lives at home with mother! Gets grounded!
Hello Kitty the new Thai enforcer  <– Submitted by Corvus of CorvusCrow.net 
German woman has pencil in head removed after 55 years <– Submitted by Max of AnalogMedium.com
Swedish grandmother attacked by beaver while swimming
FOLLOW UP: Armless one-legged man gets 5 years for drunk driving incident!  <– Follow up to Episode 6 Story
Giant Lego man found in Dutch Sea <– Submitted by Matt
Drunk man attacks cop… 45 times
Sweden people love pee and poo…..gross
Woman kept dead husband for a year <– Submitted by Matt
19 year old woman suspected of sex with 14 year old
Don’t screw with an angry senior citizen
Wheelchair Pr0n
Holy man jogs in the nude

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Running Time: 46 Minutes

Episode 18 – “Ya Know, Your Face Doesn’t Have Windshield Wipers”

ARGH! Someone must really enjoy watching Stephen and I suffer. I assploded my mic right before the show somehow and had to make a mad dash to the cesspool that is Wal*Mart. When I arrived, I closed my eyes and drove through the parking lot (everyone else seems to do it) and found a halfway decent parking spot (SCORE!). I raced to the back of the store and snagged the only USB headset with a mic I could find in the illustrious city of Beckley. I was making good time until I reached the front of the store. NONE of the self check-outs were open and only two people were working the front. Stupid Wal*Mart. Stupid mic. In this episode, we bring you: evil squirrels (again), evil monkeys, evil dogs, and evil dentists!
We go through hell and Wal*Mart to bring you this show. Enjoy! 😛

Factoid of the Week:
The average house cat will spend 10,950 hours of its lifetime purring

Kids are dumb
Inmates dance to Michael Jackson hit in Filipino prison
Finnish Squirrel steals chocoloate!
What to do when being raped
Monkeys to be Squirrel’s new henchmen
Dog no longer man’s best friend
2 Fast and 2 Stupid
Horse Manure is only good in moderation
Faking child’s death = not smart
Advanced shooting class leads to…. shooting < —- from Register-Herald newspaper (Beckley, WV)
Dentists are EVIL <– Sent in by Max from AnalogMedium.com

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Running Time: 43 Minutes

Episode 17 – “These Windows Are So Translucent!”

Praise the great gopher in the sky, this ep went out ON TIME and the ninja monkies were kept at bay! However, Stephen is hyper off his face due to Bawls intake, and Ashley is wicked tired due to never sleeping. We bring you horny hedgehogs, women recycling themselves, virgins raping produce, and wicked sex solicitors forced to dress as chickens. Don’t forget to register on the new forum by clicking here!
Factoid of the Week:
A cockroach can live without it’s head for 10 days

Lovemaking hedgehogs disturb the peace in Germany
Dead woman answers door
Woman recycles herself
Grim Reaper Kitty
Virgins exposed as the secret to good weather
Maid jailed for serving up urine
Necrophelia is ooookay in Wisconsin
Inmate convicted of indecent exposure
Chihuahua takes on rattlesnake
Soliciting sex ends in a fowl arrangment

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Running Time: 44 minutes

Episode 16 – “Zombie MonkieZ Ate Our Podcast”

Ok, this episode was mindblowingly annoying in its fruition. The content is ragingly hilarious and, therefore, MUST be aired, but the dreaded monkey-headed net demons did NOT want us to have a show this week! How could we not entertain you with, bombs, miniature horse poo, embarrassing diarrhea trails, and naked no-handed men? Someone needs to get a leash on their evil net monkeys and tell them to stop giving us issues. After THREE tries we now know that H and H will prevail! All Hail!
Factoid of the Week:
The first novel ever written on a typewriter was The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

Heat drives student to throw furniture
Moron dad took his 10 year old son bull running
No handed naked man arrested for drunk driving
Doctor misdiagnoses a kid and calls him a “wimp”
Armed robber tries to rob house, then asks for a hug
Couple keeps miniature horse in the kitchen
Woman gets diarrhea at Jo-Ann’s Fabrics and is refused access to the restroom
Horrible people steal $38 from kids at a lemonade stand
College application causes bomb scare

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Running Time: 50 Minutes

Episode 15 – “Rock Over London, Rock On Chicago!”

This week we bring you a slightly different episode of Horseshoes & Hand Grenades! With Ashley being out of town and without internet this week, I asked my good friend Adam from Pi and CHiPS to join me on the show. This one was completely awesome, and we had some of the weirdest news we’ve ever had in one show. Between guys dressed as trees and another squirrel conspiracy, this is close to being the strangest show in news history in general. So grab yourself a super-caffeinated beverage and relax in front of your PC…or iPod…or other device :).
Factoid of the Week:
It takes an estimated 2,893 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop

Catholic school requests Hell of a name change
Prosecutors cannot find God
Money found in toilets across Japan
Judge with the missing pants still pushing lawsuit
Drunk German is run over by train….doesn’t notice
Squirrel spies seized
Chinese monk teaches “Iron Crotch Kung Fu”
Smelly feet spark police raid
Man robs bank disguised as tree
Ex-marine tackles bank robber

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Running Time: 38 Minutes

Episode 14 – “The Only Good Kitty is a Shaved Kitty”

And Stephen and I are back again in all our insulting glory! We have rabid foxes, pissed grannies, vampyr peacocks, and a wicked contest for our listeners in this episode. We spent all of an hour trolling the net to bring you these gems of stupidity, and we know you will enjoy… because we know where you live. We hope our listeners from the USA enjoyed the fourth this week, but be warned: any drunken act of stupidity on your part might just land you on our show.
Factoid of the Week:
The amount of carbon in the human body could fill about 9,000 pencils 

Anti-Violence rally turns to violence
Book-toting granny pegs thief
Cafe hires only the sexy… for charity
Man beats peacock to death, proclaims it is a vampire
Would you like a slice of pr0n with that?
Garden gnomes are Fl’s weapon of choice
Angelina’s Boobies make you smart
Dinner guest finds more than peas in the freeZer
Blinded by love
Man with shyte-iest luck on earth
5-year-old pwns rabid fox

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Running Time: 40 Minutes

Episode 13 – “Yippee Ki Yay, MotherWAAAHHHHH”

We humbly submit episode 13, literally jam packed with lesbians, bears, cows, and pissed 6-year-olds with shovels. Stephen and I have scoured the internet for morons and their heart-warming stories that make the rest of us feel less stupid. This is the last episode that Stephen and Ashley will be doing in the same location for a while, because Ashley is a putz and going back to school. Skype to the rescue!
Factoid of the Week:
It would take 14.3 Billion fireflies to generate the visible brightness of the sun

Cops called over wedding dress feud
Sheep hired at lawn cutters
Muggers leave calling card
Wife replaced by cow’s head
Idiot tries to sell stolen car… to owner
Florida man’s headache solved by discovery of a bullet
Man throws log at bear and kills it, saving family
Two women accused of having sex in a bathroom in front of a child
Naked man expunged from salon
Man purchases a plasma tv for $4.88 from Wal-Mart
Why women shouldn’t drive

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Running Time: 38 Minutes

Episode 12 – “Your Face is Huge”

Another face-melting episode of Horseshoes & Hand Grenades is out, ready to make your self esteem rise to super hero like levels! That’s right, we’re bringing you fresh, new, human stupidity that will make you feel like you could do no wrong! So grab yourself a BAWLS, a nice cozy chair, sit back, and prepare to be encouraged.
Factoid of the Week
In Tuscon, Arizona, potholes are officially known as pavement deficiencies

Teen Unplugs life machine… because it was noisy
18 Year Old Shoots Friend On A Dare
New York City pays $29,000 for arresting topless woman
Teen gets caught molesting a horse
Man Bursts into flames after being shot with taser gun
Couple falls to their death while having sex on roof
Pig Blood EW!
Gas tanks with teeth
Machete man looking for raccoons at Goony Golf

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Running Time: 39 Minutes