Category: Shows

Episode 50 LIVE! – “Pimp Capacitator!”

Our 50th show has come and gone and, for lack of a better string of words, it was frakking glorious.  It’s almost been a year, and you guys have fluffed our egos to mammoth proportions.  (Is that a good thing?  Yeah, it really is.)  We had a brilliant turnout of people, who we bribed, to come listen to Stephen and I talk about Super Sheep, Hand Bags and Hand Grenades, The Woman Who Had a Toilet for an Arse, and More Kitty Survival!  A heartfelt thanks to: Scott, K-man, Brandon, Will, Sarn, Voodoo, Frankie U., Micah, and Lisa!
Factoid of the Week:
Each year, 30,000 people are seriously injured by exercise equipment 

Drive-By-Fooding
Super Sheep!
Hand Bags and Hand Grenades?
More Kitty Survival!
Fencing Saves Lives!
Crying Robbers
Old Lady With a Bone To Pick
Talk about your having your butt glued to the seat O_o    <— Submitted by VoodooSnowFlakes
Woman Forgotten

Check out these fine sites from some of the friends who joined us!
Massassi Forums
To Be Named Later – Another Pi and CHiPS Show

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Running Time: 1:17:38   <— Longevity is due to the LIVE-ness 🙂

Episode 49 – “What Is A Pooh Anyway?”

Do you guys remember silly putty? I have two eggs (pink and green), and I’ve been playing with it for the last hour, and I can’t stop! I also drew gold vines all they way up my left arm; and then took the silly putty and pasted gold vines on the stretchy stuff. I am easily entertained. And, speaking of entertainment… if you would like some, then enjoy this episode! We proudly present: sleeping your way rich, nagging your husband limp, beating your way through anger management, and shitting your way to a better world.
This episode is dedicated to the memory of Gary Gygax, creator of Dungeons and Dragons.

Factoid of the Week:
The Polish government awards informants with flowers and chocolates

Man’s Nagging Wife Leaves Him Limp
Why Didn’t I Think Of This?
101 Year Old Guy Runs Half-Marathon, Pauses For A Beer and Cigarette
Anger Management Works!
More Survivor Kitty
Missing Your Left Leg?
Cows Shyte Energy
I Would Have Just Quit…
This Sounds Like My Dad

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Running Time: 58:40

Episode 48 – “Explosive Flatulence Is An Epidemic”

Hey, look we are on time this week! Even though I am still sick, and Stephen is hyped up on caffeine after not having any for about a month… this is not a recommended way of ingesting caffeine. I just ate about seven hundred smarties, and I very happy. SMARTIES! Smarties liked our show this week too, about tortoises that set houses on fire, a pair of flaming pants, and a baby that was flushed down the toilet!
Factoid of the Week:
75 million toothpicks can be made from one cord of wood

Tortoise Sets House On Fire
Robber’s Crush
Fat Mew Falls on Customer
Edward Retard Hands <— Submitted by Frankie U.
Flaming Pants
Python Eats Pet… in front of childrenZ!
Baby Flushed… Off the Train!
Highway Menage a Trois   <—Submitted by Frankie U.
Steamy Pots

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Running Time: 57:31

Episode 47 – “Brown Chicken Brown Cow”

Ok, so, I have had the plague for the last week, and it has just about liquidated my insides ebola style. I have taken enough medication that I thought I was from a different dimension at one point; I have slept for entire days; I have eaten really well; and kept exorbitantly warm… and still I have the phage. I want to get better! On that note, I sound a bit like a whale in this episode (which is entertaining in and of itself). The content is also pretty amusing: a church with sexual commandments, a man who literally got nailed in the nuts, and a man who thinks all your tacos are belong to him.
Factoid of the Week:
Oysters can change gender according to the temperature of the water they live in

Personally, I’d rather be slapped with a ruler…
Crazy men in Japanese school girl uniforms. A new trend, or just another random idiot?
I Want To Attend This Church
I So Did Not Order That
As if our arteries could handle anymore…
Talk about getting nailed…
All Your Tacos Are Belong To Me
Man Drives Stolen Car to Police Station

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Running Time: 51:34

Episode 46 – “Two All Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese”

Wow, this weekend has been conspiring against us! The SUC heads attacked, mini-bears looted our HQ, our mixer exploded, I forgot how to swallow water, and my parents were here (four people in a two bedroom apartment = lame). We finally managed to emerge the victors, however! Huzzah for perseverance. Today’s episode comes to you complete with ninja kitties, flying moose, and freshly baked rodents. Yum!
Factoid of the Week:
One cubic foot of gold weighs more than a half ton

Do-Gooder Accused of Do-Badding
Online Prostitution! Coming To A City Near you!
Who Let The Chickens Out?
Ninja Kitty Evades Firemen
Falling Rock…er, MOOSE!
Fresh Baked Rodent
The Phone Is Mightier Than The Tazer
Grandma Wields An Axe
Firefighter Arrested on DUI…While Driving The Fire Truck

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Running Time: 46:35

Episode 45 – “If All Else Fails, I’ll Just Recycle My Urine”

I went out tonight thinking I was going to get some yummy German food… only to find out that it had been replaced! Then I drove downtown and parked, ready for my second choice… but it was overran by small children and country music! So I walked to a Japanese place and got Kistune Udon! It was so good. So good. But the cheesecake… not so much >_<
Either way, the show tonight is wonderful, as always! We give you the secret of the Highlander, reasons why you shouldn’t swallow keys, and… is anyone out there missing their scalp?

Factoid of the Week:
If the human body had the same mass as the sun, it would actually produce MORE heat 

Things You Shouldnt Swallow:
New Sitcom Idea?
German Bank Robbers… Or Not?
Mayoral Dog Napper
Buckle Your Beer Up  <–Submitted by Max of Analog Medium
Handcuffs: Fun For All Ages
Houdini Couldnt Have Done Better
Anyone Missing Their Scalp?
The Lion, The Witch, and The Dead Guy
Call Her Grandma Crank
Immortal Baby
Small Plane Crashes in Tallahassee 

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Running Time: 57:23

Episode 44 – “Rootie Tootie Fresh and Fruity”

So, we were a tad late with posting this because I went out to eat and to see a horrible movie… I’m never let a group of five girls pick the movie ever again! I’m also going skiing tomorrow, which means a 6am wake up call. Yay! Hopefully, you guys are listening to this when you aren’t tired, and I haven’t broken my leg. So, stay tuned for inflatable dolls that lose their moans, 89 frozen ferrets, human tongue risotto, and a man arrested for dunk driving his lawn mower!
Factoid of the Week:
Roughly 2.2 million Americans can play the accordian

Shark Attack!
109-year-old Gets a Passport
Man got a stupid idea…then acted on it
Deaf Due to Cotton!
Inflatable doll lost its moan
Why Sterilization Should Take Place
Frigid Frozen Ferrets
Body Parts Stolen
Human Tongue Hospital Food
Man Takes Mower on Beer Run <— Submitted by Frankie U.
Double Dog Dummies
Pr0n Search on Nun’s Computer

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Running Time: 1:01:55

 

Episode 43 – “Hits Harder Than a Sock Full of Pennies!”

Dedicated to Heath Ledger: 1979 – 2008
I just got into an argument with my mother over whether or not I washed the towels in my bathroom… while that was annoying and fruitless; Episode 43 is neither! So, if you ever find yourself arguing over something completely asinine… turn up this episode and blast the other person out of the room with a kitty that has its own God Mode, a pack of thieving underpants gnomes, and an theft-proof vehicle… that was stolen!

Factoid of the Week:
Premature infants are five times more likely to be left handed

Snakes on a Plane!
A Boomerang Returns
Theft-proof car Stolen
Soon-To-Be-Super-Hero
Wolfman Looking for Love
Singing Duck
Underpants Gnomes are Real! <— Submitted by Frankie U.
The Blob Attacks!
Man Ate Rotten Meat
Kitty Has God Mode
Robber Shoots Himself in the Foot
Reason 105 Why Stealing is Bad <—- Submitted by Frankie U.

Extras!: 
Wizzywig: Volume 1 by Ed Piskor!
Think Twice Buttons! Great service and excellent quality for all your button needs!

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Running Time: 1:05

Episode 42 – “Oh gross, I just ate tuna off my foot!”

Omg, I am going to be late for Cloverfield tonight! But, Horseshoes and Hand Grenades comes first, and my personal life can swirl down the toilets like a spider that you found on your wall, but didn’t want to squish because you thought that would be evil, but it was just as bad because you drowned the poor thing. On this “Ashley is Hyper as Hell” version of H and H we have for you, sex toys that have hopes of exploding, zombie fisherman, and a man who thinks the neighborhood washing machine is his toilet. Oh yeah.
Factoid of the Week:
The world’s five smallest countries could easily fit inside Walt Disney World 

Sex Toy Bomb Scare
Zombie Fisherman
Police-cicle
Ever neutered a truck? Me neither <– Submitted by VoodooSnowFlakes
Computer Translates Dog
Mile High Flight
Pickles: Now with dead rodent parts! Yummy!
Don’t Poo in the Laundry
Forced Rectal Exam
Now this is a drinker!   <– Submitted by Frankie U.
Reason #3487 you should be listening! <–Submitted by VoodooSnowFlakes
Sheriff Charged with Theft <–Submitted by Max @ Analogmedium.com

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Running Time: 1 Hour

Episode 41 – “I Don’t Jack Bullets!”

This is, alas, my last day down in Florida for some time. Q Q! This was also an amazingly hilarious show, and I REALLY have to pee from laughing so much. I bought Stephen a book of useless information yesterday, so this show is even more chock full of useless info that will stretch your brain to amazing proportions… which is always entertaining. We’ve got the world’s biggest ass tumor, a kid who glued himself to his bed to avoid going to school, and a man who sends dead cow head hate mail. Don’t make me go back home!
NOTE: Sorry for the late release. Assassin’s Creed swallowed my brain 0_o

Factoid of the Week:
The average child recognizes more than 200 company logos by the time he enters elementary school

Con Man Lives in Hospitals
WorldZ Biggest Ass Tumor
Lucky Man’s concrete mistake
Weekend at Bernie’s: The Live Show
Boy Glues himself to Bed
Russian Bridge Thieves
Drunk German in Poland (again)
Dead to Heat the Living
Dead Mouse Found in Beer
Kid Killed over Milk Duds
Cow Head Hate Mail

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Running Time: 1 Hour