Episode 447 – Fillin’ Gaps

I went to the dentist on Monday… and they had to drill my tooth on THREE separate occasions. Once they went in laterally… it didn’t work.  Then, they went ion horizontally and filled the cary… and it was too tight…. so they had toi drill THROUGH the filling and then fill it again…. So, Monday was a flaming pike of crap. It took an hour to have one tiny little spot fixed. And it wasn’t even a spot I could have helped! My teeth are too close together and they rub and crate weak spots.  At least I’ve never had to have braces.  It was hell, guys.  It was hell.

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Factoid of the Week:
Where does the word does the word pants come from? It is derived from a character in Italian comedy called Pantalone. He wore garments that came down to his ankles (when most men wore ones that came to the knee). In 18th century England they were called pantaloons. In the 19th century the word became shortened to pants.

Sweden plans to make sex toys safer because so many people get them stuck in their rectum
Amazon workers sent to hospital after robot accidentally unleashes bear spray
Ohio State students get bacon vending machine
Marines Who Drew Sky Penis Over Southern California Get To Keep Flying
Woman passes gas in store, then pulls knife on an offended customer, cops say

Words of Wisdom:
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. -Winston Churchill

Episode 419 – Furry Tree Ninjas

It’s so glorious outside. I have all the windows open and I’m melting. It feels fantastic. Granted, I worked out and then took a massively hot bath… and now I really am melting. My computer is hot on my lap too. I need a pool. You don’t know you’re hot when you swim. Also, I’m pretty sure my hair is never going to dry… I just got a spam call that I get EVERY EFFING DAY and I want it to DIE. X(

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
A world record for the longest conga dance line was set by 119,986 people in Miami in 1988.

‘Orange snow’ baffles eastern Europeans
Jury botches form, clerk mistakenly announces death sentence
Woman plays flute while undergoing brain surgery (there is a video)
Dunkin’ Donuts selling doughnut-themed sneakers

Words of Wisdom:
Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time like dew on the tip of a leaf. -Rabindranath Tagore

Episode 370 – Butt Cinders (WHY ALL THE BUTTS?!)

Have you ever noticed that when you do not get enough sleep you wake up hungry; ravenous, even?  I mean, if I get less than 8 hours of sleep, I want to cover the blanket off my bed in gravey and shovel it down in heaping spoonfulls.  That’s science!  They’ve done studies (that I will not cite here because I am pretending this is a BS paper that a college student is writing) that link not enough sleep to improper eating habits and weight gain.  So, when I sleep in, I am really watching over my health.  Suck on that!

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
Candle flames are blue at the bottom because that’s where they take up fresh air, and yellow at the top because the rising fumes from below partly suffocate the upper part of the flame.

Landlord Caught Having Sex In Tenants’s Bed
That’ll show her! Frustrated husband chops off his genitals with a knife after his wife hadn’t had sex with him for a DECADE

Words of Wisdom:
Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. – William Butler Yeats

Episode 369 – I Have No Butt

extreme_bodybuilder_02Have you ever had Rum Balls?  I made some last week and Stephen and I destroyed them.  Well, let’s be honest, I stopped making them into balls years ago… too much work.  I now just make a massive lump of rum dough and give Stephen a spoon.  Life is good.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
The word winters comes from the Germanic wintar which in turn is derived from the root wed  meaning ‘wet’ or water’, and so signifying a wet season.

Bodybuilder Bitch Slaps Judge
Pot Smuggled in Christmas Presents
Protein Rich Sperm Smoothies
Just Buy The Damn Raspberries

Words of Wisdom:
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face. – Victor Hugo

Tater’s Take – Thanksgiving 2016

Since we didn’t have an episode last week, Tater decided to send us his thoughts on Thanksgiving and what he’s thankful for. Hope you guys enjoy!

 

Episode 368 – Exploding Cheetos

Today we talk about why pineapple tastes so delicious and then burns a hole right THROUGH your tongue while short circuiting all of your nerves on the way.  Pineapple is a bit of a jerk.  A delicious jerk.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
People of Greece are the largest consumers of cheese worldwide. An average person from Greece consumes around 27.3 kg of cheese every year, about ¾ of which is feta cheese.

Thai Man Marries Cobra (Believes it is Dead GF)
Ninja Steals Katana From Comic Store
Wedding Ring Penis Strangulation
Flaming Hot Revenge Cheetos

Words of Wisdom:
Age is of no importance, unless you are a cheese.

Episode 367 – “Hard Core Shallots”

We welcome to the show, TATOR!  Tater?  That spuds dude that gives us his opinion in a redneck accent… and it’s amazing.   I have a cold… and I am sneezing… and I hate it.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
A typical fart is composed of about 59 percent nitrogen, 21 percent hydrogen, 9 percent carbon dioxide, 7 percent methane and 4 percent oxygen. Only about one percent of a fart contains hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans, which contain sulfur, and the sulfur is what makes farts stink.

Fart At Own Risk
Charity Workers Forced to Shove Cigs up Rear
Stolen Kit Kat Leads to 6,500 more!
Dead Treasurer Elected to Office

Words of Wisdom:
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different.  – Kurt Vonnegut

 

Episode 366 – Flocculating Bacon Grease

I’ve been using the Muse Headband (omg, so amazing), watching Black Mirror, and reading about self-driving beer delivery trucks that go on 120 mile trips… we live in the future, man!  Just yesterday, I asked my phone how many cups were in 2 pints and she TOLD me.  It was a glorious moment.  Now, off to have intercourse with my robot boyfriend!

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
By law, a pregnant woman can pee anywhere she wants to in Britain, even if she chooses, in a police officer’s helmets.

Topless-Selfie Leads to Crash with a Squad Car
Man Stops at In-n-Out Burger during Police Chase
Lover of Large
Rash of Clown Sightings

Words of Wisdom:
Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest – Alexandre Dumas

Episode 365 – Kiss Mass

This week, we celebrate day two of my Birthday!  Yes, I get two days.  In reality, every day is treated like my birthday… because I am awesome.  No, not really.  But Jacob did make me WAFFLES with kiwis and peaches!  Dude, you dunno how good that stuff is!  AHHHH!  On a lighter note – here’s hoping that Stephen doesn’t get hit in the head with a green screen two shows in a row.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
The boomslang snake’s venom causes you to bleed from all orifices of your body.

U.K. shopper suffering from sore feet calls ambulance for ride home
Iredell man burns down shed while blowtorching spider webs
Swine brew: New Jersey beer celebrates pork roll
Entrepreneurs are selling Australia’s fresh air in a can to China

Words of Wisdom:
Kill the snake of doubt in your soul, crush the worms of fear in your heart and mountains will move out of your way. -Kate Seredy

Episode 364 – Sausage Dip Party

I am currently eating a pickle in cream cheese… and I am so very pleased to be doing this.  Seriously, go get a pickle and smear cream cheese on it… and then eat it.  It’s amazing.  Stop snarling your nose.  Unless you don’t like one of the two ingredients… then just keep moving on.  I also drank a beer.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
Handshakes were originally meant to make sure that the person you were meeting wasn’t carrying a concealed weapon. The hand clasp proved that your hand was empty and shaking was meant to dislodge any weapons hiding up the sleeve.

Zimbabwe Orders Arrest of Olympic Athletes
Man Stabs Slow Golfer
Naked swimmer hospitalized after angler hooks his penis
Man Strands Himself in Porta-Potty

Words of Wisdom:
Quiet minds cannot be perplexed or frightened but go on in fortune or misfortune at their own private pace, like a clock during a thunderstorm. – Robert Louis Stevenson