Are you a vegetarian? Based on the statistics of people that listen to this show, I am going to guess a big, fat, “No!” on that account. Well, if you ARE, prepare for one of two worst weeks in your life! You don’t eat meat, everyone knows you don’t eat meat, you haven’t eaten meat in a while, but for some reason, people take the holidays as a time to convert vegetarians and vegans. Obviously something is wrong with you. You can’t get any protein (never you mind that the animals you are eating are vegetarians themselves), just one bite won’t kill you, do you think you’re better than everyone, why are you so difficult. It’s just the worst. I’ve started telling people that turkeys look like carved cadavers from the body lab (that stops conversation fairly quickly), and that pork tastes like people… Good luck, veggies!
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Factoid of the Week:
The average American eats approximately 222 pounds of meat per year. This does not include seafood.
German police pull python out of man’s pants after noticing ‘considerable bulge’
Utah man demands school change over mascot name sounding like ‘penises’
Prison masturbation addicts will be rewarded with PIZZA if they manage to ditch the self love for 30 days
Illinois man reportedly shoots his own penis after stealing from a hot dog stand
Words of Wisdom:
Work is the meat of life, pleasure the dessert. B. C. Forbes
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We are finally settled at the house a bit, and I am able to get back in the swing of eating healthfully (guys, it was take out almost every night… you don’t even know… I thought i was going to die.). I have my swamp water every morning (it really does look like a swamp because of the greens in it), I attempt to eat breakfast before noon (and fail most days), and I made zucchini boats last night that were bangin’! Also, I tend to spell broccoli and zucchini incorrectly and rely heavily on spell-check to help a sister out.
Hello, ladies and gentlemonkeys! It is bloody cold outside! It was seventy, and then we went into Lowes, magically went through a time portal, and when we left Lowes, it was twenty degrees cooler. How did that happen? I was in shorts and short sleeves and now I need socks and a hoodie and the heat on. Why is the weather being a moody brat? It feels like Fall, though! What’s your favorite season?
I know I normally babble here about my week or my fingernail polish or what I’m making for dinner (it was great, i bit it all off… maybe quiche?), but this is episode four-freaking-hundred of my favorite thing on earth! Hanging out with you guys, chatting with Stephen, and forgetting what we talked about 4 seconds after the show ends so that when someone asks us what the show was about this week, Stephen and I blankly stare at each other until everyone is uncomfortable and then we move on.
I like putting food on my face. It has its benefits. I decided to branch out and make my own recipe of face mask today. This was a mistake. I have regrets. I put cinnamon, milk (parents left it in my fridge and I’m not going to drink it, so I might as well wear it), turmeric, honey, and nutmeg. My face now feels like I have an army of fire ants straight out of hell marching across Mordor. Please make the pain stop. Send help.
I cooked my first meal in the new house! I made a bigger mess! I should just accept that eating out every night is going to make me a better person because I don’t have to grocery shop, create some sort of edible nourishment, clean up dishes, or think much past, “How far is Sassol from my house?” I am now hungry. I want hummus. Think about what you guys have done!
Guys, painting is the biggest crock of crap ever. Why can’t they just make sheetrock come in colors? Or make our walls plastic that can be tinted? Or video screens that can put whatever your heart so desires up on the walls? Why the crap do we use heavy-arse, lame, paint absorbing drywall? Seriously, there has to be a better way. I now understand why people put up wallpaper.
Guys! I just realized that I’ve only eat once today. I am now incredibly hungry. However, that we are moving, so everything has been packed and we haven’t gone grocery shopping in two weeks. Actually, if I’m honest, it’s been more like a month. There’s a frozen pizza down there… But is now 11 PM. Don’t think that would be healthy. I’m going to go make it.
Guys, Dcon was AMAZING! Stephen and I had the absolute best time. We walked until I thought my legs were going to fall off (actually, we waddled because there was no room to take a real step), we met with fantastic people, we laughed until we cried literal tears, and we learned that Oxford commas should always be a thing.
I am reading a book series right now that I am in LOVE with! I read the first one in two days (it would have been one, but adulting eats time I should be spending in books), and started the second one today. It’s a trilogy and I talk about it on our Anchor station (HnH Show)! Let us know what you are reading and what WE should read! Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE! Even your grandmother! She needs penis jokes too!