Episode 18 – “Ya Know, Your Face Doesn’t Have Windshield Wipers”

ARGH! Someone must really enjoy watching Stephen and I suffer. I assploded my mic right before the show somehow and had to make a mad dash to the cesspool that is Wal*Mart. When I arrived, I closed my eyes and drove through the parking lot (everyone else seems to do it) and found a halfway decent parking spot (SCORE!). I raced to the back of the store and snagged the only USB headset with a mic I could find in the illustrious city of Beckley. I was making good time until I reached the front of the store. NONE of the self check-outs were open and only two people were working the front. Stupid Wal*Mart. Stupid mic. In this episode, we bring you: evil squirrels (again), evil monkeys, evil dogs, and evil dentists!
We go through hell and Wal*Mart to bring you this show. Enjoy! 😛

Factoid of the Week:
The average house cat will spend 10,950 hours of its lifetime purring

Kids are dumb
Inmates dance to Michael Jackson hit in Filipino prison
Finnish Squirrel steals chocoloate!
What to do when being raped
Monkeys to be Squirrel’s new henchmen
Dog no longer man’s best friend
2 Fast and 2 Stupid
Horse Manure is only good in moderation
Faking child’s death = not smart
Advanced shooting class leads to…. shooting < —- from Register-Herald newspaper (Beckley, WV)
Dentists are EVIL <– Sent in by Max from AnalogMedium.com

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Running Time: 43 Minutes

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades wants YOU!

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades will be celebrating its 20th Episode on August 17, 2007!
It’s hard to believe that Stephen and Ashley have been bringing you the best (and the worst) in stupid news for the last 17 sex-and-poo-filled weeks! But, since the beginning of recorded history, people have been performing grossly stupid acts that we feel compelled to share with the public.

In two weeks Horseshoes and Hand Grenades hit the big two oh, and we want you to be a part of it!

At a designated time on August 17th (yet to be announced) we will be doing a live airing of our show, and we want the listeners to call in with their opinions, comments, and utter disregard for Stephen as a co-host.

All you have to do is get Skype: http://www.skype.com/ and then add Stephen: fulltangninja and Ashley: phatekills to your friends list.

Make sure you have a mike with headphones so you can listen to us w/o causing an echo during the show! (We found this out the hard way.)

For now, think on this: What does “WTF!?” mean to you?

We will have a special time during the show for you all to call in and tell us what the acronym WTF!? means to you. I’m sure we will have an awesome prize lined up for the more creative entries.

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades airs every Friday evening!

-Ash

Episode 17 – “These Windows Are So Translucent!”

Praise the great gopher in the sky, this ep went out ON TIME and the ninja monkies were kept at bay! However, Stephen is hyper off his face due to Bawls intake, and Ashley is wicked tired due to never sleeping. We bring you horny hedgehogs, women recycling themselves, virgins raping produce, and wicked sex solicitors forced to dress as chickens. Don’t forget to register on the new forum by clicking here!
Factoid of the Week:
A cockroach can live without it’s head for 10 days

Lovemaking hedgehogs disturb the peace in Germany
Dead woman answers door
Woman recycles herself
Grim Reaper Kitty
Virgins exposed as the secret to good weather
Maid jailed for serving up urine
Necrophelia is ooookay in Wisconsin
Inmate convicted of indecent exposure
Chihuahua takes on rattlesnake
Soliciting sex ends in a fowl arrangment

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Running Time: 44 minutes

Episode 16 – “Zombie MonkieZ Ate Our Podcast”

Ok, this episode was mindblowingly annoying in its fruition. The content is ragingly hilarious and, therefore, MUST be aired, but the dreaded monkey-headed net demons did NOT want us to have a show this week! How could we not entertain you with, bombs, miniature horse poo, embarrassing diarrhea trails, and naked no-handed men? Someone needs to get a leash on their evil net monkeys and tell them to stop giving us issues. After THREE tries we now know that H and H will prevail! All Hail!
Factoid of the Week:
The first novel ever written on a typewriter was The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

Heat drives student to throw furniture
Moron dad took his 10 year old son bull running
No handed naked man arrested for drunk driving
Doctor misdiagnoses a kid and calls him a “wimp”
Armed robber tries to rob house, then asks for a hug
Couple keeps miniature horse in the kitchen
Woman gets diarrhea at Jo-Ann’s Fabrics and is refused access to the restroom
Horrible people steal $38 from kids at a lemonade stand
College application causes bomb scare

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Running Time: 50 Minutes

Pi and CHiPS News

The Pi and CHiPS Network has brought to you this special announcement. In light of Horseshoes & Hand Grenades being delayed until Sunday, we decided to give you guys a sneak peak of a couple of the shows coming around the corner. Chris and I just wanted to hold you over until the new H&H is released and give you an update on where Pi and CHiPS is at and why on earth we haven’t done a show in a couple months. All your questions will be answered on this special podcast from Pi and CHiPS.
Download it Here (Right-click, Save As…) 

Episode 15 – “Rock Over London, Rock On Chicago!”

This week we bring you a slightly different episode of Horseshoes & Hand Grenades! With Ashley being out of town and without internet this week, I asked my good friend Adam from Pi and CHiPS to join me on the show. This one was completely awesome, and we had some of the weirdest news we’ve ever had in one show. Between guys dressed as trees and another squirrel conspiracy, this is close to being the strangest show in news history in general. So grab yourself a super-caffeinated beverage and relax in front of your PC…or iPod…or other device :).
Factoid of the Week:
It takes an estimated 2,893 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop

Catholic school requests Hell of a name change
Prosecutors cannot find God
Money found in toilets across Japan
Judge with the missing pants still pushing lawsuit
Drunk German is run over by train….doesn’t notice
Squirrel spies seized
Chinese monk teaches “Iron Crotch Kung Fu”
Smelly feet spark police raid
Man robs bank disguised as tree
Ex-marine tackles bank robber

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Running Time: 38 Minutes

Episode 14 – “The Only Good Kitty is a Shaved Kitty”

And Stephen and I are back again in all our insulting glory! We have rabid foxes, pissed grannies, vampyr peacocks, and a wicked contest for our listeners in this episode. We spent all of an hour trolling the net to bring you these gems of stupidity, and we know you will enjoy… because we know where you live. We hope our listeners from the USA enjoyed the fourth this week, but be warned: any drunken act of stupidity on your part might just land you on our show.
Factoid of the Week:
The amount of carbon in the human body could fill about 9,000 pencils 

Anti-Violence rally turns to violence
Book-toting granny pegs thief
Cafe hires only the sexy… for charity
Man beats peacock to death, proclaims it is a vampire
Would you like a slice of pr0n with that?
Garden gnomes are Fl’s weapon of choice
Angelina’s Boobies make you smart
Dinner guest finds more than peas in the freeZer
Blinded by love
Man with shyte-iest luck on earth
5-year-old pwns rabid fox

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Running Time: 40 Minutes

Episode 13 – “Yippee Ki Yay, MotherWAAAHHHHH”

We humbly submit episode 13, literally jam packed with lesbians, bears, cows, and pissed 6-year-olds with shovels. Stephen and I have scoured the internet for morons and their heart-warming stories that make the rest of us feel less stupid. This is the last episode that Stephen and Ashley will be doing in the same location for a while, because Ashley is a putz and going back to school. Skype to the rescue!
Factoid of the Week:
It would take 14.3 Billion fireflies to generate the visible brightness of the sun

Cops called over wedding dress feud
Sheep hired at lawn cutters
Muggers leave calling card
Wife replaced by cow’s head
Idiot tries to sell stolen car… to owner
Florida man’s headache solved by discovery of a bullet
Man throws log at bear and kills it, saving family
Two women accused of having sex in a bathroom in front of a child
Naked man expunged from salon
Man purchases a plasma tv for $4.88 from Wal-Mart
Why women shouldn’t drive

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Running Time: 38 Minutes

Episode 12 – “Your Face is Huge”

Another face-melting episode of Horseshoes & Hand Grenades is out, ready to make your self esteem rise to super hero like levels! That’s right, we’re bringing you fresh, new, human stupidity that will make you feel like you could do no wrong! So grab yourself a BAWLS, a nice cozy chair, sit back, and prepare to be encouraged.
Factoid of the Week
In Tuscon, Arizona, potholes are officially known as pavement deficiencies

Teen Unplugs life machine… because it was noisy
18 Year Old Shoots Friend On A Dare
New York City pays $29,000 for arresting topless woman
Teen gets caught molesting a horse
Man Bursts into flames after being shot with taser gun
Couple falls to their death while having sex on roof
Pig Blood EW!
Gas tanks with teeth
Machete man looking for raccoons at Goony Golf

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Running Time: 39 Minutes