Episode 23 – “Fiery Pancakes From HELL!!!”

By now, with your great skills in observations, I imagine you have noticed that the show is a tad late. I greatly apologize, but I was at the Austin GDC and you wouldn’t have gone back to your hotel to do the show either! However, to make it up, this show is absolutely orgasmicly wonderful in it’s awesomeness! Stephen and I were both on the ball and hyper and just really enjoyed making this one. There are greased up naked men, Pot-selling morons, and a Man that just couldn’t seem to keep his pants with him. While you’re listening, check out the pictures I took of the conference on our message board!
Factoid of the Week:
Due to the angle at which the optic nerve enters the brain, staring at a blue surface during sex greatly increases the intensity of orgasms

Leeches invade homes in Japan <–submitted by Frankie U
U(ruguay) got served
Ugly people apparently stem from Italy
New Jersey man gets DUI for sleeping in parked car
Idiots have never heard the word “stealth”
Squirrels now attacking the innocent
22 year old man assaults father with CHEETOS
Man arrested for driving nude in Indiana <– submitted by Frankie U
Funeral Plans kept on ice
Parenting tips
Grandfather has 100 grankids! <– submitted by Frankie U
Moose attacks lady’s house!
That’s one expensive pair of pants

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 51 minutes

Delays!!

Looks like we’ve run into an issue and the show will have to be postponed for a bit. As you know, Ashley is currently in Austin, TX at the Austin Game Developers Conference. They apparently have a really crappy internet connect and doing the show would be like playing a game of Russian Roulette….with all the bullets in the gun. I’m also out of town, so we’re going to be producing and putting the show out on Monday. I hope this doesn’t disappoint you guys too much, and we promise that we’ll have some freakin’ awesome content! Maybe Ash will bring some news of drunkards doing stupid crap back with her from Austin. See you guys on Monday!

Episode 22 – “Where the hell is Irwin?!”

Today started out with me spilling copious amounts of soy milk down my pants only to have it puddle at my feet as I stared incredulously. As such, this proved to be a GOOD thing because our show went off without a hitch! No technical difficulties, no crying babies, no bleeding virgins that refuse to die in the name of our show. Stephen, assisted by Frankie U, got some amazingly hilarious and penis heavy news this week, and even one account of a man biting his girlfriend’s snake. Yeah, we were confused too.
Factoid of the Week:
The fear of having peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth is Arachibutyrophobia

Never steal from a shop in the Holy Land…if you are an idiot <–submitted by Frankie U.
Man accused of biting his girlfriend’s snake <–submitted by Frankie U.
Weekly World News shuts its doors!
93 year old crackhead gets busted <–submitted by Frankie U.
Tag banned at elementary school due to a bunch of WHINERS!
Leona Helmsley was an ASS
German man leaves his dead grandmother in a chair for 2 years! <–submitted by Frankie U.
Your penis belongs in a museum!
Ancient walrus penis sells for $8,000
Teen ninjas have yet to master “ninja-vanish”, get caught being stupid
Idiot prints off fake money for a strip club
Man mugged for 4$

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 52 Minutes

Episode 21 – “Yeah Baby, Like a CAT!”

Well, save for Ashley muting herself halfway through the show… everything went SWIMMINGLY! Whoever sacrificed virgin babies… we thank you. In this wow-a-licious episode we’ve got a toddler who thinks he is Mario, a Japanese man who fingered the Prime Minister Abe, sex toys used as a weapon, and a dwarf who glued himself to a vacuum cleaner. What more could one person ask for in electronic entertainment? We say nothing, and we will eat a scorpion if you don’t agree!*
*Members of Horseshoes and Hand Grenades will not really eat any scorpions at any time unless we are starving to death on an island, and short of death, eating the scorpion is our only hope of survival.

Factoid of the Week:
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

Toddler survives 7 story fall!
How NOT to play frisbee
Japanese man fingers the PM
Sex toys are NOT guns
Insured against Nessie?
How not to make grilled poultry
Nude virgins caught up in the HEAT of the moment
Dwarf gets penis stuck in vacuum cleaner
Forensic expert gets fired after using the DNA lab to test her husband’s pants
Topless car wash
Man lost for hours after jumping overboard to fetch beer bong
Drop your drawers in Brattleboro, VT
Best seX evar!
Town perturbed after left with NO police for a night.

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save as…)
Running Time: 51 Minutes

Episode 20 – “Where Did My Thing Go?”

This has been the most entertaining show to make yet! Thanks SO much to Jared, K-man, Mark, Chris, and Producer Bill for participating in our pseudo live show. And thanks to Frankie U for submitting stories for the week. We have an amazing line-up for you this week with exploding chickens, thieving goats, poor nuns, and potato peelers gone rogue.
Give us some feedback! Did you enjoy the layout? Did you love the pseudo liveness?

Factoid of the Week:
Blood travels 60,000 miles (96,450KM) a day as it circulates through the human body

Drunk driving German kills 300 chickens!
German goats are thieves! <–Submitted by Corvus of CorvusCrow.net
What do potato peelers and water guns have in common? <–Also from Corvus
Just Rewards
Things to never do #1<–Submitted by Frankie U.
Get hooked on SCUBA
Biker get a real “leg up” on race<–Submitted by Frankie U.
Fast food… UGH
Naked man attacks… and dies o_O
Squirrels have new henchmen<–Submitted by Frankie U.
Teenager attempts to win Darwin Award<–Submitted by Frankie U.
Mistaken Identity can be painful

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 54 Minutes

Skype Reports Login Issues

UPDATE: Looks like Skype is up and running again. We’re still on for the semi-live show! So get ready to give us a call around 7:45 so we can go over how it’s all going to work. 
Okay….I’ve decided that the Evil Ninja Net MonkeyZ are out to kill us, and the rest of the internet in the process. Or it could be squirrels chewing through the lines so that we can’t spread our message of the imminent squirrel uprising. Apparently Skype has disabled downloading of the client, and is having login issues that they are “working very hard to fix.” I think some of you reported problems adding me (fulltangninja) as a contact, and I think this issue explains it.

If Skype is still having issues tonight, we may be forced to reschedule. As much as I hate it, this is the only way we’ve mastered when it comes to doing this show. Keep checking back here for updates and we’ll let you know what’s going on. As of right now, we’re still on for 7:45 in hopes that everything will start working properly again. Keep your fingers crossed!

Live Show

Hey everybody! As you know, if you listened to the show or are registered on the forum, we will be doing a semi-live show for our 20th episode. We’d love for you guys to join in and we have a couple ways for you to do this.
1. Send us a 30 second or less audio clip about “What WTF means to you” in mp3 format. Make sure you mention your name and where you are from. Send all submissions to fans@horseshoes-handgrenades.com

2. You can join us on Skype at 7:45pm EST. All you have to do is add “fulltangninja” (aka Steve) as a contact and give him a call at that time. If you do not have Skype, you can get it at http://www.skype.com
It is totally free to use when calling computer to computer. We use it to do our show and it works great. We want you to call in at 7:45 so we can hear everyones sound quality and make sure it’s all going to sound good.

We’re very excited about doing this show. We haven’t ever done anything like this, so all the people participating will be lab rats to our weird experiment. Hopefully we can get everybody in one conference, but I know Skype has limits, so it’s really going to be a first come, first serve. Next time we do something like this, we’ll try to have our system a little more nailed down and figure out a really good way to make it happen.

We can’t wait to hear from you guys!

Episode 19 – “Let’s Trip the Light Fantastic, Baby!”

Our 19th episode is CRAMMED with obscure, gross, hilarious, and oh-so-cute news! We couldn’t decide what was worthy and what should be chucked… so we kept it all! I’m writing this before we record in the hopes that the gods of podcasting will shine down upon this, oh wickedest, of episodes and make the quality shiney. We’ve got a follow up from episode 6, hello kitty, and a Swedish grandmother’s angry beaver! What more could you ask for in a 40 min show?
Post Note: Sorry for the delay, but the podcasting gods decided not to shine down upon us and gave us a ton of crap while we were trying to complete this nugget of awesomeness. But we have it now! This is take 2 of the show, as take 1 didn’t come out right. I do think that this one turned out much better and it may have been that the gods were doing us a favor 🙂

Factoid of the Week:
A blue whale’s heart is as big as a compact car

61 Year old Italian man lives at home with mother! Gets grounded!
Hello Kitty the new Thai enforcer  <– Submitted by Corvus of CorvusCrow.net 
German woman has pencil in head removed after 55 years <– Submitted by Max of AnalogMedium.com
Swedish grandmother attacked by beaver while swimming
FOLLOW UP: Armless one-legged man gets 5 years for drunk driving incident!  <– Follow up to Episode 6 Story
Giant Lego man found in Dutch Sea <– Submitted by Matt
Drunk man attacks cop… 45 times
Sweden people love pee and poo…..gross
Woman kept dead husband for a year <– Submitted by Matt
19 year old woman suspected of sex with 14 year old
Don’t screw with an angry senior citizen
Wheelchair Pr0n
Holy man jogs in the nude

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 46 Minutes

Episode 18 – “Ya Know, Your Face Doesn’t Have Windshield Wipers”

ARGH! Someone must really enjoy watching Stephen and I suffer. I assploded my mic right before the show somehow and had to make a mad dash to the cesspool that is Wal*Mart. When I arrived, I closed my eyes and drove through the parking lot (everyone else seems to do it) and found a halfway decent parking spot (SCORE!). I raced to the back of the store and snagged the only USB headset with a mic I could find in the illustrious city of Beckley. I was making good time until I reached the front of the store. NONE of the self check-outs were open and only two people were working the front. Stupid Wal*Mart. Stupid mic. In this episode, we bring you: evil squirrels (again), evil monkeys, evil dogs, and evil dentists!
We go through hell and Wal*Mart to bring you this show. Enjoy! 😛

Factoid of the Week:
The average house cat will spend 10,950 hours of its lifetime purring

Kids are dumb
Inmates dance to Michael Jackson hit in Filipino prison
Finnish Squirrel steals chocoloate!
What to do when being raped
Monkeys to be Squirrel’s new henchmen
Dog no longer man’s best friend
2 Fast and 2 Stupid
Horse Manure is only good in moderation
Faking child’s death = not smart
Advanced shooting class leads to…. shooting < —- from Register-Herald newspaper (Beckley, WV)
Dentists are EVIL <– Sent in by Max from AnalogMedium.com

Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 43 Minutes

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades wants YOU!

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades will be celebrating its 20th Episode on August 17, 2007!
It’s hard to believe that Stephen and Ashley have been bringing you the best (and the worst) in stupid news for the last 17 sex-and-poo-filled weeks! But, since the beginning of recorded history, people have been performing grossly stupid acts that we feel compelled to share with the public.

In two weeks Horseshoes and Hand Grenades hit the big two oh, and we want you to be a part of it!

At a designated time on August 17th (yet to be announced) we will be doing a live airing of our show, and we want the listeners to call in with their opinions, comments, and utter disregard for Stephen as a co-host.

All you have to do is get Skype: http://www.skype.com/ and then add Stephen: fulltangninja and Ashley: phatekills to your friends list.

Make sure you have a mike with headphones so you can listen to us w/o causing an echo during the show! (We found this out the hard way.)

For now, think on this: What does “WTF!?” mean to you?

We will have a special time during the show for you all to call in and tell us what the acronym WTF!? means to you. I’m sure we will have an awesome prize lined up for the more creative entries.

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades airs every Friday evening!

-Ash