Episode 39 – “Like A Kick In The Face With A Golf Shoe”

Holy crap, did we already celebrate Christmas? Well, for those of us that celebrate Christmas, anyway. I can’t really recall what I did. I’m pretty sure there was a goat on the table at one point, and something about a rumball fight that landed half of my household in prison for some time. Fun times, fun times! Anyway, Christmas week lead to a lot of people stuck in chimneys, septic tanks, and rampaging santas that stormed through a cinema. I’m sure the Christmas elves are proud of us.
Factoid of the Week:
The plastic or metal tip at the end of a shoelace is called an “aglet”

Santa doesn’t do it like this
Smoking ban leads to holes
Rampaging Santas
Thor’s Hammer needed in prison
Ghost sends Christmas cards
Christmas + Acid = Naked Dance
Adding insult to injury
Have yourself a stinky Christmas
Fake balls anyone?
Premature opening leads to stabbing
Who steals a Jesus? Seriously?!
Snotty cop
Pr0n 4 Christmas!

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Running Time: 1 hour 5 minutes

Episode 38 – “Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal”

Hello again Ladies and Gentlemen! H&H has returned from a great pilgrimage from the land of morons to bring you what we have found in the vast uncharted world: a whole bunch of ridiculous news about stupid people doing stupid things. We nearly died out there after we were threatened by a group of guys with beercan helmets and large clubs for speaking with “them smart words.” Yes, we have returned unscathed! And we bring with us news of stolen beaches, a wolf with a taste for steak, horny bus drivers, squirrels that think they’re Solid Snake, and women with unhealthy obsessions with Santa Claus.
So enjoy this H&H Holiday Special, and don’t forget to share it with your friends!!

Factoid of the Week:
The average amount of Santas hired by a US Mall – 3.73

So, this wolf walks into a bar
Not a use for coffee <— Submitted by Frankie U.
Shocking Punishment
Beach stolen!
10 Year old girl arrested for cutting food with knife <– Submitted by Voodoosnowflakes
Hooker + school bus = WTF!?
Tinsel Screws Thief
We can “enhance” anything
Squirrels are getting a lot smarter
Ho, Ho, what a Whore
A laughing good time
Goosenapped!

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Running Time: 1 Hour 5 Minutes

Episode 37 – “It Was The Meat That Inspired Me!”

For a limited time only, get Horseshoes and Hand Grenades Episode 37 for ONLY fourteen installments of $999.99! This limited time offer will never be seen again, folks. In Episode 37 you will get: A plea to Digg our show, a man in a speeding wheelchair, a death threat via Karaoke, a man that shoots himself in the bum, and for a limited time, a playful pup that procures peeing penises!
If you order in the next ten minutes you will receive the all new golden pill that makes your poo glitter for FREE!

You won’t ever see this offer again… don’t let this one of a kind Episode run out!

Factoid of the Week:
In her entire lifetime, a female hummingbird lays at most 2 eggs

Indian man bites rabid dog! Rescues duck from the cold grip of death!
Man gets stuck in bathroom for three days
Wheelchair bound man arrested for…speeding!? <– Submitted by Frankie U.
Man shoots himself in the buttocks!
Only 10 shopping days til Christmas. Better buy some Rhino Poop! <– Submitted by Frankie U.
Karaoke: Threat lvl orange
Bouncing lovers bounce cars over the edge
Golden pill makes your poop glitter
Playful Pup Procures Peeing Penis
Angry tow truck driver tries to tow police car
Don’t taze me, bro! I’m deaf! <— Submitted by Frankie U.
Suburban sex parties draw complaints
Barbie’s prison

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Running Time: 1 Hour 5 Minutes

Episode 36 – “Fish Don’t Stink Underwater”

Omg, my brain hurts! It hurts so bad, I can’t even express how badly it hurts. On that note, we have produced a wondertastic show for you guys this week! The WTF!?’s are more WTF!?ier and the News Better Left Untold really should not have been told. We also received buttons this week and are totally stoked beyond all things stokable! So go pop some Tylenol, pin your buttons to your forehead… and chow down on this amazing-super episode!
Buttons…Courtesy of Ashley’s iSight camera and her hand O_o

photo-10.jpg

Factoid of the Week:
Mr. Potato Head was the first toy to be advertised on television

Tourist confused on which bed is his
Bird sentenced to solitary confinement
Newsflash: boobies make you live longer!

Cat found after 19 days with its head stuck in a peanut butter jar!

The CIA can stop cancer!

Death to Poochy?

If you can’t put them in your hair, they’ve got to go somewhere!

This is coming out of the wrong hole!
<— Submitted by Frankie U.
Fart Break

ASSAULT: Man hits Santa in the face with a pie!
Whistle while you shoplift
Wife attacks hubby with potato

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Running Time: 1 Hour 5 Minutes

Episode 35 – “Our TV Has Premonitions”

An ode to Horseshoes and Hand Grenades by a long dead monk:
Horseshoes and mighty Hand Grenades,
The protector of the smart.
Beware all ye of small mind!
And those that are dumb at heart.

Well said, long dead monk!

This week the protectors of the smart bring you hookers for charity, skinny santas, and men raping bikes! Also, check out our new myspace at http://www.myspace.com/horseshoes_handgrenades!

Factoid of the Week:
Doctors in the 1700s prescribed ladybugs, taken internally, as a cure for measles

Twins have two different dads!
Hard-up for a win
Prostitue offers sex for charity
STEPHEN’S SOAPBOX: Sesame Street is Adult Only Entertainment!!?!?
Man gets three years probation for having sex with bicycle??
I’m fat because I want to be like Santa Claus
300 LB Woman and a Bike
Chicken fat on Virginia highway causes four wrecks
Doctor Doom
Man shoots out traffic camera, gets arrested
Man tries to deposit one million dollar bill
Chicken eats bracelet, man eats Chicken
One Cheese sandwich with a side of dead cousin

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Running Time: 1 Hour

Episode 34 – “Touchin’ Cotton”

Since the media decided not to report on the GIANT ZOMBIE TURKEY that was attacking West Virginia this week… it is up to us at Horseshoes and Hand Grenades to keep our fans informed! Er, a giant zombie turkey was attacking West Virgina this week. Stephen and I went head-to-head with this gobbling menace in an epic battle sure to go down in the finicky pages of history. The horrible fowl was made from the parts of five hundred dead thanksgiving dinners, and sewn together by the evil SUC! So, you see, it is truly not our faults that we were a few days late with the show… but the fault of the evil squirrel army and their dastardly turkey zombie of doom!
To make up for our sight delay (even though we were saving mankind from death by turkey), we made this show extra gnarly! We have the lyrics to “My Dear, My Penis is a Mountain” in Croatian, a drunk, naked man that did not want to be rescued, and an assault by deadly gravy. Hope your Thanksgivings were in-law free!

Factoid of the Week:
A common housefly beats its wings about 20,000 times per minute

UK’s oldest newlyweds
Mile High Crime Club
My Dear, My Penis is a Mountain
Man beaten for being bald
Drunk, Naked Man causes wrecks
Man Assaulted with Gravy
Because women love it when it gets in their hair 0_o <--- Submitted by Frankie U. Old white women vacationing in Kenya for sex
The invasion continues <--- Submitted by Frankie U. Paramedic shoots to kill… kinda
Woman Crashes through window… and gets her hair done

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Running Time: 1 Hour

Episode 33 – “I Can’t Run! I Have Flip Flops On!

Thirty-three episodes down, and only one million catrillion baziollion to go! At least, we hope… because then we would be immortal, and that would be nice. Here at Horseshoes and Hand Grenades, we have been pumping out quality episodes since the dawn of time (ignore the fact that there was no podcasting when Jesus walked the earth), and we are proud to have you as listeners! Feel free to email us and tell us what you think about this week’s hilarious episode filled with a man marrying a dog, hookers for the disabled, getting high off poo, and bears stealing cars for SUC. (Viva la FUR!)
Factoid of the Week:
It takes about 3 1/2 hours for sound waves to travel from San Francisco to New York

Man Marries Dog<—Submitted by voodoosnowflakes
SOAPBOX! School bans Christmas cards!
Because sex is as important as breathing 0_o

Don’t watch pr0n in your CAR!

Airline security arrests infamous SALAD MAN!

Top 10 Things NOT to Shoot

Kids resort to huffing poo for a natural high
<— Submitted by Frankie U.
Sex you can eat!
Pedophile employed at kindergarten!
Cows Flee After Seeing Micky DeeZ <— Submitted by VoodooSnowFlakes
Kid suspended for drawing “evil things” <—– Submitted by Frankie U
Bear steals car!

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Running Time: 1 Hour

Episode 32 – “I Wish I Had A Pouch Like A Kangaroo…I’d Put Candy Corn In It”

So, Stephen was hyped up on coffee and I was sipping tea for this episode… and we all know what happens when caffeine combines with Horseshoes and Hand Grenades! At one point, I was pretty sure I was going to spit green tea all over my poor laptop, but thankfully I was able to compose myself and continue reading through our stories. Stephen and I found a lot of wacky stories this week including an eight-limbed toddler, a woman who bit her boyfriends lip OFF, a gorilla who was switched out for a stripper, and 2,500 gallons of liquefied hog poo. Ugh.
Toddler with EIGHT Limbs
Tunnels are boring

Destined to be alone?

The World has gone BANANAS!
Kid gets detention for hugging…enter the SOAPBOX!
This stuff never happened when I was in school
Bill of $0.00
Once bitten
2,500 gallons of spilt hog poo
Flying Cows

Dope arrested for possesion… of dope

Assault with a deadly….Frying Pan?!

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Running Time: 1 Hour