This is Steve reporting from the front line of a surge currently taking place by the Squirrel United Comrades (S.U.C.) against our friends in the Feline Underground Resistance (F.U.R.) I’m excited to tell you that we are holding back these incredibly acrobatic, yet easily distracted elite forces from our enemies. I’m stuck in a foxhole…or cathole, given the circumstances, and I’m watching the mania take place. I’ve never seen a tabby cat fire a bazooka with such precision, but Private Mittens is tearing the opposition. I am deeply saddened that I am forced to relay this info through text, but my microphone was shot out of my hand by the squirrel sniper they have on their site. The good news is one of our guys managed to see it and noticed his position, dispatching him only seconds later.
The main reason I tell you about this non-stop action is that our show will be delayed until tomorrow! Hopefully this conflict will be resolved and we’ll be reporting on the craziest news that happened this week! Hang in there with us and we’ll make sure it’s worth your while!
Holy crap! We’re moving forward! I can see their makeshift camp, and we are taking over! More on this later!
Godspeed!