Episode 457 – Butt Mode

Happy Valentine’s Day, you lovely people! I honestly used to hate it until I realized that it was more about the people I kept around me than the person I was dating. I have amazing family and friends and THOSE are the people I want to love on.

Jacob surprised me with a TINY LITTLE BONSAI and I am going to die. It is perfect and has one single bloom and he is so cute I forgot how to use commas!

We are getting together and having Taco Bell ^_^ Join us in celebrating the awesome people around you by eating tacos, listening to us gab, and a third thing that may or may not involve chocolate…

Shoutout to Our Amazing Og! Thank you for supporting the show! <3

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
The word bonsai means “tree in a flowerpot”. Contrary to what it may seem, it is not a genetically tiny tree but its small size is achieved thanks to a patient job of pruning and constant attention.

Assman, denied license plate, displays name across truck’s tailgate
Bear hitches ride atop North Carolina garbage truck
Universal Orlando Now Has A Butt-Naked Troll That Farts Glitter At Guests
HACKED SEX ROBOTS COULD MURDER PEOPLE, SECURITY EXPERT WARNS
Man accused of locking family inside house, setting it on fire after Cheez-It argument

Words of Wisdom:
Our brains are like bonsai trees, growing around our private versions of reality. -Sloane Crosley

Episode 456 – Urine Space

I have had SO many issues with needing to pee and having no where to go over the last two weeks. Yesterday, there was a giant hole in the floor and wall of my bathroom. I had to give the guys a heads up every time I went pee, so they wouldn’t peep their heads through like some sort of perverted meerkat.

Before that, the water was shut off, so I just went into the garage and peed in a cup… -_-

And NOW… they have the bathroom blocked off with a ladder and equipment because they are putting a hole in the ceiling right beside the door.

I just want to be able to pee… in a toilet… when I need to.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
The Chinese invented paper around 105 A.D. from hemp. Eventually, tree bark, bamboo, and other plant fibers were used in addition to hemp.

Indian man suing parents for giving birth to him ‘without his consent’
Bed bugs falling from lawyer’s clothing forced Oklahoma courthouse to close
El Paso Zoo will name a cockroach after your ex and feed it to their meerkats
Australian Fisherman uses Dead Shark as a Bong
Crypto boss dies holding only password to unlock $145m in customer coins

Words of Wisdom:
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward. -Amelia Earhart

Episode 455 – Nut Divot

Dear Lord. Two days ago the basement flooded (it’s where we are storing furniture and various boxes while we are renovating upstairs). Thank God it was just plane water as the downstairs tube backup with sewage. BLEHHHHH. I’ve never heard so many poop puns in my life. Jacob was on a roll.  Thankfully, a plumber was able to come the next day and sort everything out… after we spent five hours trying to fix the problem ourselves. The previous home owners hadn’t removed a clog…. flush out your drains people…. flush out your drains.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
Most of us lump sewers under one category, but there are actually three distinct types of sewer systems: Foul or sanitary sewers, which carry wastewater from our homes into wastewater treatment plants; surface water or storm sewers, which carry rainwater from roof and roads into streams and rivers; and combined sewers, which are a single pipe system which carries both wastewater and surface water to wastewater treatment works.

Sinkhole turns out to be tunnel to bank
Police arrest woman for driving drunk on vanilla extract
KFC testing a Cheetos Chicken Sandwich complete with ‘special Cheetos sauce’
Drug exec gave doctor lap dance as part of fentanyl sales pitch
Walmart bans woman who rode cart while drinking wine from Pringles can

Words of Wisdom:
Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. -Tom Lehrer

Episode 454 – Meat of the Week

Jacob has been out of town, so I spent the night at my parents house… and was immediately reminded of being 13 again. Mom fussed at me for not dressing warmly enough, she fretted over me going to bed, she insisted on shoving money into my purse, and then forgot how to do anything technology related. I’m not complaining at all. I love my parents dearly. It’s just so funny how you can fall back into feeling like a child while around family. Now, listen for poop jokes!

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
Joel Roberts Poinsett introduced the poinsettia plant to the United States from Mexico. Poinsett was a botanist, physician and the first United States Ambassador to Mexico.

Brexit Box
Emotional Support Alligator
Vampires, diabetics, and pole dancers
Company selling boxes of used tissues for $80

Words of Wisdom:
Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature. -Gerard De Nerval

Episode 453 – What is the Fourth Hole

On this Episode, I admit my love for animojis, gush over my neighbor’s adorable German Shepherd puppy, and curse a lot! Actually, I always write these before the show… so I have no clue what we talked about. I bet it was something exciting, though. Like aardvarks and peanut butter. I want a lemon cookie.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
The name Aardvark comes from South Africa’s Afrikaans language and means ‘earth pig’ or ‘ground pig’. Aardvarks are also known as ‘antbears’, ‘anteaters’, ‘Cape anteater’ and ‘earth hogs’.

Toto’s ‘Africa’ to play on endless loop ‘for all eternity’ in Namib Desert
‘I’m not here’: Fugitive leaves note on mattress before being found in dresser
Man injects himself with his own semen in an effort to treat back pain
Man stabbed 13 times by his girlfriend PROPOSES to her in Russian court

Words of Wisdom:
Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’ -Martin Luther King, Jr.

Episode 451 – The Sovereign State of Uranus

You know how some days’ passage of time seems to slow down and take at least triple the actual time, and some days go by so quickly, that you are convinced time goblins are eating your day away? I wonder what causes that? I don’t think it’s necessarily a fun event or being busy, because those seem to go by quickly, slowly, and regularly as well as the days of leisure and being bored. Einstein talked about it, but I wonder if he had a pact with time fairies to keep us off the scent?

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
The process that caramelizes toast — cooking the sugars in the bread and turning them golden-brown — begins at 310 degrees Fahrenheit and is called the Maillard reaction, which gives toast its flavor and its crunch.

Dutch astronaut accidentally called 911 from space
City of Keene in Dispute with Local Restaurant Owner Over ‘Pho Keene Great’ Name
Constipated man has life-saving surgery after inserting a massive LIVE EEL up his bum
Lack of hot sauce leads to shooting at Taco Bell

Words of Wisdom:
If you’re in the game long enough, you’re going to be the toast of the town one day, and the next day you’ll be toast. -Alan K. Simpson

Episode 450 – Yoga Harder

How was your Christmas/Holiday Extravaganza/Maximizm day? Good? I hope it was good. I am still in need of a nap from the last week. I did make it back into the gym today, so that was a positive… and BEFORE the new year, so I cannot be mistaken for one of those two-monthers that swarm the gym right after New Years. 😀

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
Legend has it the first cheese was created accidentally, by storing milk in a container lined with an animal’s stomach. An enzyme from the stomach caused the milk to separate into liquid (whey) and solids (curd).

Man held after using front-end loader to make get-away
Women charged in ill-timed theft at Target store filled with cops
Missouri poacher ordered to repeatedly watch ‘Bambi’
Man tried to pay for McDonald’s with bag of weed

Words of Wisdom:
Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. -Luis Bunuel

Episode 448 – Fairly Satisfied

There was a tiny lizard-thing in my sun room today! He went to the door, so I let him out… and he just sort of moseyed out the door and stopped to drink rain water out of a small puddle. It was adorable. I kept trying to get him to move so I could shut the door, but he wouldn’t really budge.

My dad wanted me to keep the door open so he could come back in, if he wanted. We run a lizard B&B.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
Peppermint has been referenced in Greek mythology; the nymph ‘Mentha’ angered Persephone so much she was punished by transformation into its plant form, emitting the powerful smell any time she was touched. Beyond myth, Aristotle believed the herb to be a natural aphrodisiac, and Alexander the Great was rumored to forbid soldiers to consume peppermint for fear that it conjured erotic and distracting feelings.

Elvis Presley traffic lights appear in German town of FriedbergMan freed from jail steals car from its parking lot, police say
Spend A Night At The ‘Christmas Story’ House To Get Into The Holiday Spirit
Utah man accused of hammering ice pick through man’s penis
Dungeons & Dragons dice decide the winner of a California election

Words of Wisdom:
It is the destiny of mint to be crushed. -Waverley Lewis Root

Episode 446 – Dapper Darts

I did this Black Friday thing where I joined Title boxing for three months and got a month free… and I have already injured myself. It’s cool, though… it’s just part of my hand missing that I continually hit with every punch during every class so that it will never heal and I will forever be in pain.

It is a fun time, though. I’m glad I have a background in punching things, or I wouldn’t know how to do it (you just show up and they scream a string of hits out to you).  They also insist on 5 hours of core work every 3 mins… so that is fun. Help me.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
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Factoid of the Week:
The Bee Hummingbird is the smallest living bird in the world, with a length of just 5 cm (2 in).

Dart Farts call Foul Play
Welcome to Burger Rat, Home of the Rat Burger

Words of Wisdom:
Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. -Rabindranath Tagore

Episode 445 – Colossal Manchild

I have a love/hate relationship with turmeric. I love what it does for my skin and hair and face in general… but I hate that it stains EVERYTHING. I had the genius idea to add turmeric to my home-made dry-shampoo, and it was a disaster. Not only did the coco make a mess, but the turmeric stained my hands and face as I was dusting it into my hair.  There has got to be an easier way of doing this that doesn’t end in my pillow and face being covered in coco and turmeric.  BLAH.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
It takes an average of 5 liters of water to produce one piece of A4 paper.

System error: Japan cybersecurity minister admits he has never used a computer
These raccoons aren’t rabid, they’re just ‘drunk,’ police in West Virginia say
Looking for the perfect Christmas gift for the millenial in your life?
Man throws $18,000 wedding party for marriage to virtual reality character
Tattoo artist’s wife plans to remove her husband’s skin and preserve his body art

Words of Wisdom:
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward. -Amelia Earhart