Episode 446 – Dapper Darts

I did this Black Friday thing where I joined Title boxing for three months and got a month free… and I have already injured myself. It’s cool, though… it’s just part of my hand missing that I continually hit with every punch during every class so that it will never heal and I will forever be in pain.

It is a fun time, though. I’m glad I have a background in punching things, or I wouldn’t know how to do it (you just show up and they scream a string of hits out to you).  They also insist on 5 hours of core work every 3 mins… so that is fun. Help me.

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Factoid of the Week:
The Bee Hummingbird is the smallest living bird in the world, with a length of just 5 cm (2 in).

Dart Farts call Foul Play
Welcome to Burger Rat, Home of the Rat Burger

Words of Wisdom:
Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. -Rabindranath Tagore

Episode 445 – Colossal Manchild

I have a love/hate relationship with turmeric. I love what it does for my skin and hair and face in general… but I hate that it stains EVERYTHING. I had the genius idea to add turmeric to my home-made dry-shampoo, and it was a disaster. Not only did the coco make a mess, but the turmeric stained my hands and face as I was dusting it into my hair.  There has got to be an easier way of doing this that doesn’t end in my pillow and face being covered in coco and turmeric.  BLAH.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
It takes an average of 5 liters of water to produce one piece of A4 paper.

System error: Japan cybersecurity minister admits he has never used a computer
These raccoons aren’t rabid, they’re just ‘drunk,’ police in West Virginia say
Looking for the perfect Christmas gift for the millenial in your life?
Man throws $18,000 wedding party for marriage to virtual reality character
Tattoo artist’s wife plans to remove her husband’s skin and preserve his body art

Words of Wisdom:
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward. -Amelia Earhart

Episode 444 – Taterbone

This is a curse-heavy episode because Ashley.

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Factoid of the Week:
Spirulina represents a biomass of cyanobacteria that can be consumed by humans and other animals. The two species are Arthrospira platensis and A. maxima. Cultivated worldwide, Arthrospira is used as a dietary supplement or whole food.

Antarctica scientist stabbed colleague for spoiling book endings
Drunken baggage handler falls asleep in cargo hold, flies to Chicago
Restaurant owner murders man, serves his remains to vegetarian diners
Man survives after his dog accidentally shoots him on a hunting trip

Words of Wisdom:
You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. -Rabindranath Tagore

Episode 443 – Hardcour Parkour

I am tired, my back still hurts, I WANT TO GO HOME and be able to do the show with Stephen…. After driving 4 hours tomorrow, I will be able to do a show for a few days, and then have to come back to WV again…. because I was a bad child and am suffering now. Stephen and Jacob talk about science, poop, lottery money, and my dad wont stop eating ice cream.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
A good gauge of a male lion’s age is the darkness of his mane. The darker the mane, the older the lion.

Shopkeeper tells armed robbers to come back later – and they do
Blowtorch used to kill spiders may have started house fire in US
Naked woman tries to bite off man’s penis during threesome
Judge chases prisoners, nabs one during attempted escape

Words of Wisdom:
It is better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life. -Elizabeth Kenny

Episode 442 – The Adventures of Tater and DWayne in the Motherland

I need drugs or alcohol but whatever the version of those are that aren’t bad for you

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
In the US, over 27 billion chicken wings are consumed every year. They are most popular at Superbowl parties where 1.35 billion wings are consumed during the game alone!

China plans to launch artificial moon bright enough to replace city’s streetlights by 2020
‘Squirrels did me in’: Man shot after triggering booby trap he set
Buffalo Wild Wings introduces new pumpkin BBQ wings
Teen baked her grandfather’s ashes into sugar cookies and brought them to school, police say
Naked man jumps into Toronto aquarium’s shark tank, swims

Words of Wisdom:
The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.
-Arnold Glasow

Episode 441 – Yelling About Things

It looks like my parents have sold my father’s optometric office… and I am dead happy! And also freaking the crap out. Do you have any idea how much stuff a family can store in 4000 square feet of office? A lot. They can store a lot. We now have three weekends in which to move, toss, donate, or otherwise destroy upwards of 80 years worth of collected junk. My father thought it would be cool to keep all of my grandfather’s stuff o_O Gah. We so dead.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.

French fries in Europe expected to be an inch shorter this season
Boo! A Halloween display was so scary, a neighbor called 911
Hasbro Is Dropping a Poop-Themed Play-Doh Playset This Year
Cheerleader Gave Away Pot Brownies To Win Homecoming Queen Vote

Words of Wisdom:
No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut. -Channing Pollock

Episode 440 – Hospital Wall Liquor

I don’t know if I like the new Tomb Raider game, guys. It is gorgeous. There is no taking away from that; however, it babies the crap out of you through the tombs. My favorite part of the TR games are the actual exploration and puzzles in the tombs. I feel like the series went from raiding to Nathan Drake with a female protagonist. They spoon-feed you the puzzles (even on max difficulty), there is a HUGE emphasis on stealth (which, I DO like better than run and guns, because it feels like a puzzle), and there is a large chunk of an RPG-esque-like city randomly thrown in. It’s like they weren’t sure which direction to go in. I like exploring cities, but it feels muddled and clunky.

I just want to go back to the puzzle-heavy, exploration of the original few games…. or Prince of Persia.  Remake Prince of Persia 😛

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
According to a study from the University of Hawaii, there are (approximately) seven quintrillion five quadrillion grains of sand on all the beaches in the world (that’s a 75 with 17 zeros behind it; i.e., 7,500,000,000,000,000,000).  NOTE: if you think that’s a big number, consider that astronomers have postulated that there are 100 stars in the Universe for every grain of sand on the Earth’s beaches (that’s assuming our own Milky Way galaxy, with its hundreds of billions of stars, is ‘typical’, and that the Hubble space telescope is correct in its estimate that there are at least 80 billion galaxies in the world).

Swarm of 60,000 bees leaves honey ‘oozing’ from walls at Cambridge hospital
Strip club closed after food stamps used to buy lap dances, drugs, investigators say
Doctors find turtle inside woman’s vagina after having pain
Pregnant Delhi Woman Bites Off Husband’s Tongue, Allegedly Over His Looks

Words of Wisdom:
The more sand has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.  -Jean Paul

Episode 439 – Google Me Slowly

An ode to a Lava Lamp
How glowie and orange.
You light up the darkness,
In blobs of viscous sunrise.
The 70’s adored you,
And Spencer’s too.
Now you warm my cat-dragon,
As you do.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
Onions that are chilled before chopping give off less of the chemical reaction that makes you tear up. goes here

Athlete banned from all-you-can-eat restaurant for eating too much
Middle school teacher on leave after allegedly putting girl in game machine to stealing prizes
Man Accused of Rubbing Produce on His Butt in Northern Virginia Grocery Store
Expert: Farts can blow out of your mouth if you don’t let them loose

Words of Wisdom:
It doesn’t matter how precisely the onion is cut as long as the person chewing it is happy. -Padma Lakshmi

Episode 438 – Derp Fish

My daddy makes SO much food when he cooks. I’m talking food for seven people for DAYS. Combine that with my mother doing the same thing… and it looks like a thirty person picnic every time we go over to their house to eat. Also, I ate too much and I am about to die. Why am I like this. Also, also, I chased my nephew around the house for thirty minutes after eating to much so I am extra going to puke and die. Someone save me from myself. Halp.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

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Factoid of the Week:
Only about 10% of the world’s currency is physical money, the rest only exists on computers.

Indonesian province bans men and women from dining together
A Bug’s Heist: Thousands Of Insects, Spiders Stolen From Philadelphia Museum
Kuwaiti fishmonger closed for ‘sticking googly eyes on fish’
Virginia man erects electrified fence near school bus stop to keep kids off property

Words of Wisdom:
Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window. -Steve Wozniak.

Episode 437 – Stroking the Nerve

I cannot write political articles. Period. How does one even begin to write something political? It is considered a science… but everyone adds their own agenda or flair to it… creating less of a factual piece and more of a… mish-mash of facts and feelings? Yeah, I’m not good at that… I can either make it ALL up or make it all up and pretended like I didn’t… which is what I just did for this article I had to write. From now on… Jacob will be ghost writing anything political I do. Blah. That was a hassle and I fee dirty.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too! 

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Factoid of the Week:
More than 11,000 amendments to the US Constitution have been introduced in Congress. Thirty three have gone to the states to be ratified and twenty seven have received the necessary approval from the states to actually become amendments to the Constitution.

New Zealand council proposes banning all cats
Tag, kickball, Red Rover, musical chairs: Games deemed ‘inappropriate’ by Alabama school board
Oreo launches ‘Hot Chicken Wing’ and ‘Wasabi’ flavors
‘Sexually frustrated’ dolphin’s advances spark swimming ban in France, reports say
In Missouri you can now go to jail for labelling tofu ‘meat’

Words of Wisdom:
The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. -Benjamin Franklin