I like putting food on my face. It has its benefits. I decided to branch out and make my own recipe of face mask today. This was a mistake. I have regrets. I put cinnamon, milk (parents left it in my fridge and I’m not going to drink it, so I might as well wear it), turmeric, honey, and nutmeg. My face now feels like I have an army of fire ants straight out of hell marching across Mordor. Please make the pain stop. Send help.
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Factoid of the Week:
Ancient Greek theater masks had brass megaphones in the mouth to amplify what actors were saying.
German man in hot water for running taps and toilet non-stop for a YEAR
Spam heists soar in Hawaii, prompting retailers to keep it in locked cases
Flight 666 Makes Final Friday the 13th Trip to HEL
Couple who had sex in front of staff at Domino’s pizza in Scarborough must sleep apart for 6 months
Words of Wisdom:
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. -Oscar Wilde