Horseshoes & Hand Grenades

Welcome back to another wonderful Saturday (or whenever you’re seeing this) of Stephen and Smashie ramble about news time!  This week we talk about…. I have no idea because I haven’t stolen news stories from Jacob just yet >_>  I did get a bug bite on my face, so that was cool.  And I’m considering dying my hair a fun color (just the underneath), so I might need help with that.  Enjoy your time with the show!  Leave us feedback, if you have any!

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Factoid of the Week:
Light takes 1.255 seconds to get from the Earth to the Moon.

Female Only Parking Spaces 50% Bigger
Man Strips, Poops on Grocery Store Scanner
Man Chops off Friend’s Weener After Finding it is Larger
Neighbor Finds Zombie Surprise in Newly Purchased Freezer

Words of Wisdom:
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.  -Plato

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Happy Memorial Day Weekend Thing, folks!  Join Stephen and I as we drink to excess and have amazing conversations with our amazing Legion of Dorks!  Also, whale puke beer.

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Factoid of the Week:
A paper bag takes twice the amount of energy to make than a plastic bag, but is biodegradable.

Father Pays Child Support in Pizza
SC Man Takes Out Loan to Buy Meth..
Whale Puke Beer is So Hot Meow
Pot Head Sheep Rampage

Words of Wisdom:
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.  – William Wordsworth

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Welcome new people’s to the Legion of Dorks!  We love you guys so hard and it’s freaking AWESOME hanging out with you in the chat for the show. You make us happy 😀  (if you know what I mean).  Who all is playing doom?  I need to not suck at shooters…. because I want to play and not die a lot.

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use. It helps us out a ton!

Factoid of the Week:
Coca-Cola would be green without food coloring

Ottawa Woman’s Chest Too Big for Workout
Naked Man Rescued from Chimney
Don’t Poop While On the Job (at least on people’s lawns)

Words of Wisdom:
There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate’s loot on Treasure Island. – Walt Disney

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GO SEE CIVIL WAR!  Do it.  I don’t want your excuses.  No one cares if you’re in the hospital or in a coma… get out of the bed and go do the thing.  Also, I want chocolate.

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Factoid of the Week:
Russia has a larger surface area than Pluto.

Japan Tells Tourists Not to Fart in Public
Bad Date Diagnosis
Man’s First Words (after coma) “I want Taco Bell”

Words of Wisdom:
Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle. -Napoleon Hill

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I am currently eating popcorn.  Popcorn is delicious.  Nooooooooooom.  Have you every noticed that they are a massive varieties of popped corn?  The ones in the chip aisle are so different than the ones you get at a theater… and then you can make microwaved popped corn and air pop popped corn.  I hate caramel popcorn, though.  Hate it.  If that crap gets into my cheese popcorn at Christmas, we are going to have a bad time.

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use. It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
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Factoid of the Week:
 Popcorn has more protein than any other cereal grain. It also has more iron than eggs or roast beef. It has more fiber than pretzels or potato chips.

Where’s the Beef?
Pet Store Owner Paid Prostitute in Primates
Business Pays Employees in Meth
RANT

Words of Wisdom:
Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. Fulton J. Sheen

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Holy crap, I want food!  Not sure what I want, thought… but I am sure it isn’t good for me.  Maybe pizza and ice cream?  Why are they so good?  Why can’t celery be as good as pizza?  Like, I’d love to crave a massive bowl of… celery.  Work out with us!  I just started strength training on top of cardio this week and I am tiiiiiired (and hungry).  I shall become Sarah Connor!  RAWR!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use. It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
During World War II, the crew of the British submarine HMS Trident kept a fully grown reindeer called Pollyanna aboard their vessel for six weeks (it was a gift from the Russians).

Horsey McHorse Face
Hotel Owner Bans Cyclist Tights
Man Caught with 51 Turtles down his Trousers
Man Breaks into 5Guys to Make Burger (and now I want one)

Words of Wisdom:
The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls. Pablo Picasso

 

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There were yard sales and babies and stuff… Also, a bit of pollen (one of the helicopter things) flew directly into my mouth.  I was mouth raped by a tree.  How was your day? -_- Did you hear about the taco bot?  I WANT ONE (a taco, not really the bot).

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use. It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
Mars robots, Spirit andOpportunity, have logged 10.5 miles trudging across the Red Planet for more than three years. The unstoppable droids were built to last 90days.

Penis Ring Sparks Bomb Threat
Motel Owner Spends 29 Years Perving on Guests…

Words of Wisdom:
Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset .  -Saint Francis de Sales

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Red lipstick is hard to keep up with.  Like, constant worrying about smudging and if it’s on your teef or if you need to reapply… but it looks so awesome!  I saw a chick with purple (lavender?) lipstick at Target yesterday… I told her it was awesome, because it was awesome.  Wear bright lipstick.  DO it.  Also, we did a show… some of it is gross >_<

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use. It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
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Factoid of the Week:
The scientific name for banana is musa sapientum, which means “fruit of the wise men.”

Revenge Fart Ends in Arrest
Women Loses Toe After Pedicure
Vagina Beer? Ew. So Ew.

Words of Wisdom:
The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. Clifton Fadiman

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After a week break – I was pulled away on mission to wear gloves and hats and shoes that sucked so hard — we are back!  As I am writing this, it strikes me that I have no snacks in this house.  There are veggies and tea and NOTHING DELICIOUS AND BAD FOR ME!?@#  Where are the cheetos?  The Reese’s cups?  The hot chocolate full of sugar and SUGAR?  Where!?  Why do I insist on eating well?  WHY?  Screw this crap… I’m going to raid my sister’s pantry.

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use. It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
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Factoid of the Week:
The common phrase “eat like a bird” should mean something quite different!  Many birds eat twice their weight in food each day.  In fact, a bird requires more food in proportion to its size than a baby or a cat.

Actual Cat Burgles Undies
Woman Has Pet Alligator
5-yr-old’s Mystery Illness Solved
Beware Rap Battles!

Words of Wisdom:
I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.  – Franklin D. Roosevelt

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Jacob and I have been playing WAY too much Rise of the Tomb raider – 30 hours, to be exact.  He has gone all uber completionist and every document, cache, and mission must be found!  It’s kind of awesome.  There are so many Zelda references!  They even have a quest to throw five cuccos – I mean chickens – into a pen.  Winning.

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If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use. It helps us out a ton!

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Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
France was still executing people by guillotine when Star Wars: A New Hope hit theaters.

Man Changes Name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger
High School Student Really a 23-yr-old Ukrainian
Dude Chewed His FINGERTIPS Off to Avoid Recognition!
Drones to Protect Filming of Star Wars

Words of Wisdom:
“When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this – you haven’t.” ― Thomas A. Edison

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