The Case of the Disappearing Wangs

A wave of crime has hit the town of Kinshasa in the Congo that would send even the bravest of the brave men running to hide under the bed. People are having their penises stolen! Never did I think I would read a headline like this, but when I started browsing around for news this morning, it was the very first thing that caught my eye. I’m in complete bewilderment and officially refuse to ever visit the Congo, not that it was high up on my list of places to visit in the first place.
Police in Kinshasa have arrested 13 sorcerers accused of using black magic and witchcraft to steal penises! These reports have created a widespread panic and even provoked attempted lynchings. People in this area are still very heavy into this superstition and have no problem believing that a man can break your penis with magic words. Fourteen victims said that these creepy witchdoctors only had to touch them to make their genitals shrink up or disappear, but some residents believe that the sorcerers are only trying to convince people they need a cure in order to earn some cash.

“I’m tempted to say it’s one huge joke,” Oleko said.

“But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’,” he said.

I love that guy’s statement about going home and trying it. Evidently, these guys are just being told their penis is tiny and immediately believe that they can’t get it up! I don’t know about you but it would take a whole lot more than a creepy dude telling me I was broke before I thought something was actually wrong. I guess since they are so heavily into the belief that this can happen, their brain is taking over and actually making stuff not work. All they really need is some other dude who can do a simple “magic act” on them and they may very well be convince that their junk works just fine. This could not be more real to some though:

“It’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny,” said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.

Let’s all just take a moment to enjoy the fact that we don’t live anywhere near the so-called “penis snatchers.”

One thought on “The Case of the Disappearing Wangs”

  1. Remember we did a show about a guy who said his wife/gf was a witch and she took his penis powers away?
    Im glad Im not a guy 😀

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