Category: Uncategorized

This week on Awesome and Awesome, we talk about… Hell, I forget.  Ummmm, something about Stephen being a bad person, our sadness over Robin Williams deciding to peace out, Asian people not being able to drive, running penises, mountain lions being sold at pet shops and a loving mother who set her son on fire for some FB fame.  Seriously, people.  

Factoid of the Week:
You’re more likely to die on your way to buy a lottery ticket than you are to actually win the lottery. 

Asians Can’t Drive
Runner Draws Peniseseses
Mother Sets Her Son on Fire – for FB
Mountain Lion Escapes Pet Store

Words of Wisdom:
Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting. –Joyce Meyer

Grimm is awesome.  Have you guys been watching that show?  I just started season one.  It is good.  Watch it.  Stephen doesn’t watch it because he has actual hobbies like playing the guitar.  I need a life.  On this week’s show, we talk about (your mom) a cookie monster that attempts to strangle a woman for eating cookies for breakfast (he’s very dedicated to nutrition), a man smokes the ashes of a dead woman (as opposed to the ashes of a living woman) thinking it was a box of drugs,  a woman breaks into a zoo after closing and decides to take a swim, and a taxi driver dresses like a hooker in order to fleece drunk passengers.  What the crap, people?

Factoid of the Week:
There are only 14 blimps in the world, and 10 of them are in the U.S.

Woman Sneaks Into Zoo to Swim
Cookie Monster Attacks Woman
Burglar Smokes Ashes on Accident
Taxi Driver Cross Dresses To Steal from Passengers

Words of Wisdom:

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

This week on HnH, we discuss the naked woman that leapt out of a car in Russia, 3 very naked fast food burger burglars, a man that grabbed something from his bum and stuffed it into his mouth (it isn’t what you think) and Chinese Crab Walkers (I imagine this is a step up from cabbage walking). 

Factoid of the week:
In 1935, Australia, fisherman captured a 3.5 meter tiger shark, it vomited up another smaller shark which vomited up a human arm; the arm was used to solve a murder.

Naked Jack-In-The-Box
3 Naked Burglars
Butt-Smuggling-Fart-Puncher
Crab Walkers Needed

Words of Wisdom:
A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. – French Proverb

This week we talk about giant women squishing men for sexual pleasure (their’s, not hers), a secret US moon base (Dark Side of the Moon?), a woman that chucks her fake leg at a singer (because how else are you going to show how happy you are to be listening to them?), and a Lawyer that goes batshyte crazy and begins trying to duel a judge with a flyswatter.  We also talk about 56 other things that have nothing to do with anything, but are awesomely funny because we said it… 

Factoid of the Week:
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

Amazon Woman Paid to Squish Men
Secret Moon Base!
Woman Throws Prosthetic Leg at Singer
Lawyer Hits Judge with Flyswatter

Words of Wisdom:
Repetition is the mother of wisdom.
-Czech Proverb

Today we talk about crocodile weddings, naked men with super powers, clothed men with super powers (his kid was not in danger), an Aussie that is dating identical (sooooo much plastic surgery) twins (ew), and this naked dude that somehow managed to do over a grand of damage to a car… We also unbox the new DnD Starter Set 5th edition, talk about how AMAZING the game of Munchkin is.   

Factoid of the Week:
Reindeer like to eat bananas

Mexican Mayor Weds Croc

Superman Saves Driver

Man Dating Identical Twins

Naked Ironman

Words of Wisdom:
Faults are thick where love is thin. 
 

It’s that time again, folks!  I find myself desperately looking forward to Tuesday evenings!  I get to hang out with all my awesome internet peeps and drink and make fun of everything and everyone!  The show is FANTASTIC this week!  Thanks to all the insane people out there that make our show possible every week.  All your drunken and idiotic adventures keep us in business!  Also, happy Canada Day to our Canukian friends! 

Factoid of the Week:
The revolving door was invented in 1888, by Theophilus Van Kannel.

Man Poops In Bank – A Lot
Trucker’s Duped By Dial-Up-Doc
Woman Finds Tooth in Cheese
Wedding Ring Found in Dog Puke (After 5 years)

Words of Wisdom:
Even small fish are fish.
Czech Proverb

We have another Patreon subscriber!  Guys, you can’t even know how amazing it feels to have you throw money at us!  It’s like being a stripper and having customers especially request you because YOUR butt is the BEST butt!  Thank you for making us feel like we have the best butt!  It turned a boring day at work into an amazing, butt shaking expedition into the wilderness of awesomeonia.  I might have celebrated with an angry orchard… and I might be a light weight.  Should have a VERY interesting show.  I LOVE YOU GUYS!@># 

Factoid of the Week:
Ancient Greeks practiced a form (ineffective) of birth control that consisted of having a woman hold her breath, making her squat, and sneezing.

Dragon Shot in Malaysia

Soap Box

Man Logs Into FB at Home He has Broken Into –

Naked Sun Bather Causes Wreck

Words of Wisdom:
“Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.” – Mark Twain

I’m hungry and I’m tired and grumpy and annoyed and holy crap I am so looking forward to doing the show tonight!  You guys are the highlight of my Tuesdays and you keep me going through the week.  Stephen and I are both sick, which is pretty awesome when doing a show that mostly involves talking and not coughing and sniffing.  I’m going to go cram my food down and watch Stephen play Rayman a bit before we start this awesome show!  

Factoid of the Week:
Coca-Cola would be green if the food colorant wasn’t added.

Panda’s Forbidden from Predicting World Cup
Man Rapes Pool Raft
Woman Births Lizard 
Prostitute Arrested For Working Library

Words of Wisdom:
If you’re bored with life – you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals.
– Lou Holtz

It’s hot a monkey hell out there today!  I came out for lunch and my bloody rear view mirror had fallen off (the glue did not melt… it freaking evaporated).  Driving home was like skipping through the gates of Mordor while baking a pizza and blow-drying your hair.  What the crap.  I’m pretty sure brain cells were lost in the fever inducing hot.  The house can’t even keep up with all the hot.  The AC is on, but the cold air catches on fire on it’s way out of the vents!

Factoid of the Week:
Sigurd the Mighty, a ninth-century Norse earl of Orkney, was killed by an enemy he had beheaded several hours earlier. He’d tied the man’s head to his horse’s saddle, but while riding home one of its protruding teeth grazed his leg. He died from the infection.

Man Disappointed with Penis Enlarger

Man Masturbates While Armed With Cucumber

911 Sprinkles 

Words of Wisdom:
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha

Holy CRAP on a crap cracker!  It’s our 300th episode!  Seriously, holy crap.  I could pee in excitement (you know, like a small dog… they pee when they are happy… you’ve never been peed on by an excitable puppy?  Really?  Ugh.  Dogs smell.).  Thank you all for sticking around and listening to Stephen and I ramble into a microphone for 300 episodes and many long years.  We love you all so much and are so grateful for the friendships mad through this show!  Here’s to many more episodes, many new friendships, and many more embarrassing over-shares!   

Factoid of the Week:
Casu marzu is a Sardinian cheese that contains live maggots. The maggots can jump up to five inches out of cheese while you’re eating it, so it’s a good idea to shield it with your hand to stop them jumping into your eyes. (What the CRAP, Todd?!)

Google Murder Hoax
Robber Friends Victim on FB
Woman Strips to Scare Stalker 
Old Ppl Steal From Church

Words of Wisdom:
I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.
Martha Washington