Episode 451 – The Sovereign State of Uranus

You know how some days’ passage of time seems to slow down and take at least triple the actual time, and some days go by so quickly, that you are convinced time goblins are eating your day away? I wonder what causes that? I don’t think it’s necessarily a fun event or being busy, because those seem to go by quickly, slowly, and regularly as well as the days of leisure and being bored. Einstein talked about it, but I wonder if he had a pact with time fairies to keep us off the scent?

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Factoid of the Week:
The process that caramelizes toast — cooking the sugars in the bread and turning them golden-brown — begins at 310 degrees Fahrenheit and is called the Maillard reaction, which gives toast its flavor and its crunch.

Dutch astronaut accidentally called 911 from space
City of Keene in Dispute with Local Restaurant Owner Over ‘Pho Keene Great’ Name
Constipated man has life-saving surgery after inserting a massive LIVE EEL up his bum
Lack of hot sauce leads to shooting at Taco Bell

Words of Wisdom:
If you’re in the game long enough, you’re going to be the toast of the town one day, and the next day you’ll be toast. -Alan K. Simpson

Episode 450 – Yoga Harder

How was your Christmas/Holiday Extravaganza/Maximizm day? Good? I hope it was good. I am still in need of a nap from the last week. I did make it back into the gym today, so that was a positive… and BEFORE the new year, so I cannot be mistaken for one of those two-monthers that swarm the gym right after New Years. 😀

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Factoid of the Week:
Legend has it the first cheese was created accidentally, by storing milk in a container lined with an animal’s stomach. An enzyme from the stomach caused the milk to separate into liquid (whey) and solids (curd).

Man held after using front-end loader to make get-away
Women charged in ill-timed theft at Target store filled with cops
Missouri poacher ordered to repeatedly watch ‘Bambi’
Man tried to pay for McDonald’s with bag of weed

Words of Wisdom:
Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. -Luis Bunuel

Episode 448 – Fairly Satisfied

There was a tiny lizard-thing in my sun room today! He went to the door, so I let him out… and he just sort of moseyed out the door and stopped to drink rain water out of a small puddle. It was adorable. I kept trying to get him to move so I could shut the door, but he wouldn’t really budge.

My dad wanted me to keep the door open so he could come back in, if he wanted. We run a lizard B&B.

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Factoid of the Week:
Peppermint has been referenced in Greek mythology; the nymph ‘Mentha’ angered Persephone so much she was punished by transformation into its plant form, emitting the powerful smell any time she was touched. Beyond myth, Aristotle believed the herb to be a natural aphrodisiac, and Alexander the Great was rumored to forbid soldiers to consume peppermint for fear that it conjured erotic and distracting feelings.

Elvis Presley traffic lights appear in German town of FriedbergMan freed from jail steals car from its parking lot, police say
Spend A Night At The ‘Christmas Story’ House To Get Into The Holiday Spirit
Utah man accused of hammering ice pick through man’s penis
Dungeons & Dragons dice decide the winner of a California election

Words of Wisdom:
It is the destiny of mint to be crushed. -Waverley Lewis Root

Episode 447 – Fillin’ Gaps

I went to the dentist on Monday… and they had to drill my tooth on THREE separate occasions. Once they went in laterally… it didn’t work.  Then, they went ion horizontally and filled the cary… and it was too tight…. so they had toi drill THROUGH the filling and then fill it again…. So, Monday was a flaming pike of crap. It took an hour to have one tiny little spot fixed. And it wasn’t even a spot I could have helped! My teeth are too close together and they rub and crate weak spots.  At least I’ve never had to have braces.  It was hell, guys.  It was hell.

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Factoid of the Week:
Where does the word does the word pants come from? It is derived from a character in Italian comedy called Pantalone. He wore garments that came down to his ankles (when most men wore ones that came to the knee). In 18th century England they were called pantaloons. In the 19th century the word became shortened to pants.

Sweden plans to make sex toys safer because so many people get them stuck in their rectum
Amazon workers sent to hospital after robot accidentally unleashes bear spray
Ohio State students get bacon vending machine
Marines Who Drew Sky Penis Over Southern California Get To Keep Flying
Woman passes gas in store, then pulls knife on an offended customer, cops say

Words of Wisdom:
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. -Winston Churchill

Episode 446 – Dapper Darts

I did this Black Friday thing where I joined Title boxing for three months and got a month free… and I have already injured myself. It’s cool, though… it’s just part of my hand missing that I continually hit with every punch during every class so that it will never heal and I will forever be in pain.

It is a fun time, though. I’m glad I have a background in punching things, or I wouldn’t know how to do it (you just show up and they scream a string of hits out to you).  They also insist on 5 hours of core work every 3 mins… so that is fun. Help me.

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Factoid of the Week:
The Bee Hummingbird is the smallest living bird in the world, with a length of just 5 cm (2 in).

Dart Farts call Foul Play
Welcome to Burger Rat, Home of the Rat Burger

Words of Wisdom:
Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. -Rabindranath Tagore

Episode 445 – Colossal Manchild

I have a love/hate relationship with turmeric. I love what it does for my skin and hair and face in general… but I hate that it stains EVERYTHING. I had the genius idea to add turmeric to my home-made dry-shampoo, and it was a disaster. Not only did the coco make a mess, but the turmeric stained my hands and face as I was dusting it into my hair.  There has got to be an easier way of doing this that doesn’t end in my pillow and face being covered in coco and turmeric.  BLAH.

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Factoid of the Week:
It takes an average of 5 liters of water to produce one piece of A4 paper.

System error: Japan cybersecurity minister admits he has never used a computer
These raccoons aren’t rabid, they’re just ‘drunk,’ police in West Virginia say
Looking for the perfect Christmas gift for the millenial in your life?
Man throws $18,000 wedding party for marriage to virtual reality character
Tattoo artist’s wife plans to remove her husband’s skin and preserve his body art

Words of Wisdom:
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward. -Amelia Earhart

Episode 444 – Taterbone

This is a curse-heavy episode because Ashley.

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Factoid of the Week:
Spirulina represents a biomass of cyanobacteria that can be consumed by humans and other animals. The two species are Arthrospira platensis and A. maxima. Cultivated worldwide, Arthrospira is used as a dietary supplement or whole food.

Antarctica scientist stabbed colleague for spoiling book endings
Drunken baggage handler falls asleep in cargo hold, flies to Chicago
Restaurant owner murders man, serves his remains to vegetarian diners
Man survives after his dog accidentally shoots him on a hunting trip

Words of Wisdom:
You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. -Rabindranath Tagore

Episode 443 – Hardcour Parkour

I am tired, my back still hurts, I WANT TO GO HOME and be able to do the show with Stephen…. After driving 4 hours tomorrow, I will be able to do a show for a few days, and then have to come back to WV again…. because I was a bad child and am suffering now. Stephen and Jacob talk about science, poop, lottery money, and my dad wont stop eating ice cream.

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Factoid of the Week:
A good gauge of a male lion’s age is the darkness of his mane. The darker the mane, the older the lion.

Shopkeeper tells armed robbers to come back later – and they do
Blowtorch used to kill spiders may have started house fire in US
Naked woman tries to bite off man’s penis during threesome
Judge chases prisoners, nabs one during attempted escape

Words of Wisdom:
It is better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life. -Elizabeth Kenny

Episode 442 – The Adventures of Tater and DWayne in the Motherland

I need drugs or alcohol but whatever the version of those are that aren’t bad for you

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Factoid of the Week:
In the US, over 27 billion chicken wings are consumed every year. They are most popular at Superbowl parties where 1.35 billion wings are consumed during the game alone!

China plans to launch artificial moon bright enough to replace city’s streetlights by 2020
‘Squirrels did me in’: Man shot after triggering booby trap he set
Buffalo Wild Wings introduces new pumpkin BBQ wings
Teen baked her grandfather’s ashes into sugar cookies and brought them to school, police say
Naked man jumps into Toronto aquarium’s shark tank, swims

Words of Wisdom:
The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.
-Arnold Glasow

Episode 441 – Yelling About Things

It looks like my parents have sold my father’s optometric office… and I am dead happy! And also freaking the crap out. Do you have any idea how much stuff a family can store in 4000 square feet of office? A lot. They can store a lot. We now have three weekends in which to move, toss, donate, or otherwise destroy upwards of 80 years worth of collected junk. My father thought it would be cool to keep all of my grandfather’s stuff o_O Gah. We so dead.

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Factoid of the Week:
Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.

French fries in Europe expected to be an inch shorter this season
Boo! A Halloween display was so scary, a neighbor called 911
Hasbro Is Dropping a Poop-Themed Play-Doh Playset This Year
Cheerleader Gave Away Pot Brownies To Win Homecoming Queen Vote

Words of Wisdom:
No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut. -Channing Pollock