HNH Interlude – The Devil’s Toilet

We didn’t have H&H last week. Some of you may want to know why. Well, here’s the full story. If you use anchor.fm, you can actually receive content like this earlier! I originally posted this on Friday 8/18, over on that service. So check us out on Anchor and favorite the station to catch this content and more as soon as it happens 🙂

www.anchor.fm/hnh

Episode 393 – Voltaire’s Tea

I’ve decided women who type with fake long nails are meta-human.  There is no way you can go from bitten stubs to long-arse nails and be able to type with ease.  Mine have been growing the last couple weeks and are a bit past my finger tips (which is no mean feat considering I have bitten my nails since I was old enough to figure out my fingers would go into my mouth), and it is taking everything in me to type on the pads of my fingers and not my finger tips…. Voice to text is about to become real for me.  (Or I can just wait another week until I cannot control myself any longer and bite them off again.)

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Factoid of the Week:
The art of reading tea leaves is called tasseography.

Cruise passengers ordered to switch off lights and music at night to ‘be prepared for pirate attack’
Dentist charged for treating patients while extremely drunk
‘Fried Fried Chicken Chicken’ beer contains real fried chicken
Walmart is apologizing after a display seemed to market guns as back-to-school items

Words of Wisdom:
A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Episode 392 – Plutonic Colonic

You know how naps are wonderful?  Some naps are definitely better than others.  Today my nap made me thirsty and I was quite annoyed that it did not turn into a full night’s sleep.  I crashed around 7:30 and I’m pretty sure I could have just slept twelve hours… but I woke up to do this wonderful show for you wonderful people 🙂

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
The word “ruby” comes from the Latin word rubens, meaning “red”.

France Has an Oyster Vending Machine
No one turns out for not so special election in Iowa town
Naked intruder tries to shower with woman, washes family’s dirty dishes in New Jersey home invasion
Chinese woman undergoes plastic surgery to evade $3.7M debt

Words of Wisdom:
I discovered that if one looks a little closer at this beautiful world, there are always red ants underneath. David Lynch

Episode 391 – Plastic Coated Tater-Tots

I am putting makeup on.  It is annoying.  I don’t want to paint my face tonight.  Sometimes it is fun.  Tonight I just wish I had naturally rolled out of bed looking like a VS model.  Maybe I should tattoo my face on.  That’s a thing.  I should do that.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
Worm-eating Bassian thrushes have been known to dislodge their prey from piles of leaves by directing their farts at them. The excretion of gas shifts the leaf-litter on the ground and apparently provokes worms to move around, revealing their location.

Divorcee destroys ex’s $1m violin collection in Japan
New Britain man gets 120 days in prison after killing pet fish in Bristol
Woman charged after alleged topless road rage incident
California man accused of smuggling deadly king cobras in potato chip cans

Words of Wisdom:
Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings. -Salvador Dali

Episode 390 – Anal Alarm Calls

I feel like someone spliced my DNA with that of a cat’s at some point before I was created.  Cats like naps, sunbeams, tin foil, staring at squirrels, being jerks, laying on high perches, and Zelda… all things I love as well.  I also wear cat ears to stream in… so, the evidence is pretty clear.  I am a cat.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
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Factoid of the Week:
The speed of light in space is approximately 300 million metres per second.

British doctors find mass of contact lenses under patient’s eyelid
Texas company issues recall after Viagra-like ingredient discovered in its coffee
Mum sparks outrage after selling brownies made with her BREAST MILK at school fair – WITHOUT warning people
Woman who tricked friend into sex by pretending to be a man using fake penis jailed for six and a half years

Words of Wisdom:
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.-Desmond Tutu

Episode 389 – My Thing Isn’t Big Enough

Well, I’ve been sick for over a week and a half now, and I finally went to the doctor’s.  They took my bloods.  Why do we pay people to take our bloods?  We make the bloods… and then we give money to people who steal our bloods?  Also, I lost my LoTRs Ring.  Which is pretty much the saddest thing ever.  I ordered another one (goodbye 80$), but it doesn’t fit like the old one did.  I am crushed.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Factoid of the Week:
Because Mars has a lower gravity than Earth, a person weighing 200 pounds on Earth would only weigh 76 pounds on Mars.  In other news, I’m moving to mars.

No sweat: app aims to alert office workers when they start to stink
Free AR-15 rifle offered with new roof installation from Alabama company
Woman Sets Boyfriend On Fire, Uses Urine To Put Out Flames
Pizza slice thrown out vehicle window, teen charged with assault

Words of Wisdom:
You can’t blame gravity for falling in love. -Albert Einstein

Episode 388 – Cat Snatchers

I have a cold.  Rather, a cold was forced upon me.  Having something indicates some degree of wantedness, whereas, one does not want a cold.  Cold’s are displeasing to even the most gentle soul.  They are humorless, unfeeling, and altogether a most inhospitable guest.  I think I shall have a bit of tea and ask my objectionable guest to piss off.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

aIf you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

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Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
A group of cats is called a “clowder.”

Mexican Fan Tells Wife He’s Going to Get Cigarettes, Flies to Russia For Confederations Cup Instead
Michigan man tries to remove bees with fireworks, burns down garage
Boy, 7, charged for urinating onto steaks on neighbor’s grill
Don’t glitter-bomb your vagina, top gynecologist warns

Words of Wisdom:
In ancient times cats were worshiped as gods; they have not forgotten this. -Terry Pratchett

 

Episode 387 – Shoot It Thru the Roof

So, I’m getting married o_O  Yes, you read correctly.   Someone was unintelligent (or maybe just brave enough) to ask me to marry them, and I said yes… after the third time they asked… because I didn’t know they were serious… because who, in any state of right-mindedness, would want to spend the REST OF THEIR LIFE with me.  Poor Jacob.  Send him your love.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
In the 16th century, a teaspoon of sugar cost the equivalent of five dollars in London.

Elderly flight passenger throws coins into engine for ‘luck’, delays take-off for hours
TV news vehicle stolen as crew covers local crime wave
Nuclear power station stages bikini contest to choose new interns
‘Sweaty sex’ blamed for positive cocaine test

Words of Wisdom:
Life would pall if it were all sugar; salt is bitter if taken by itself; but when tasted as part of the dish, it savours the meat. Difficulties are the salt of life. -Robert Baden-Powell

Episode 386 – I Don’t Know What I Just Said

Sometimes my smoothies are really great and delicious and I feel like I’m drinking a milk shake of yumminess… and sometimes — like today — my smoothies are unsatisfying in a manner that I must fight myself not to toss it out and eat french fries for breakfast…

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
Every three months, Americans throw away enough aluminum to rebuild the nation’s commercial air fleet.

Madrid cracks down on ‘manspreading’ on public transport
Florida Woman Allegedly Stole More Than $93,000 in City Funds to Pay for Brazilian Butt Lift
No 1. courthouse problem: People urinating in the elevator
‘Can I pay in installments?’: Man gets $100 million water bill

Words of Wisdom:
The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing that stands in the way. Some see nature all ridicule and deformity… and some scarce see nature at all. But to the eyes of the man of imagination, nature is imagination itself.–William Blake

Episode 385 – Butt Plug Inductors

As I was making my cucumber sammich this afternoon, I managed to shake half a full bottle of turmeric into the ingredients… making my meal totally anti-inflammatory, mustard yellow, and slightly less tasty that it would have been with 1/45th of the amount of turneric.  HnH tastes better than a half bottle of turmeric.

Our show is listener supported… tell EVERYONE about the wackiness! EVERYONE!  Even your grandmother!  She needs penis jokes too!

If you really dig what we do, be sure to leave us a review on whatever podcast service you use.  It helps us out a ton!

iTunes: http://bit.ly/hnhshow
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/horseshoes-and-hand-grenades

Factoid of the Week:
A year on Mercury is just 88 days long.

Mozambique police warn bald men after ritual attack
Road paved with clamshells emits stench, covered in maggots
Medical pot dispensary markets marijuana pizza
WOMAN PRETENDS TO BE BLIND FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS IN ORDER TO ESCAPE GREETING PEOPLE

Words of Wisdom:
Memories are like mercury. Every time you sort of try to get near them, they slip out of your hand like a bar of soap. -Daphne Guinness