We all know that teenagers are a menace. They steal, drool, toilet paper your trees, and have sex with your daughter. Well one town in Norfolk (UK) has decided that enough is most assuredly enough. They have drawn a line in the sand and taken a definite stance against teenagers and their vile hyjinx. They… have banned the sale of ketchup and eggs to teens. Continue reading “No Squirting Please”
Author: Smashie
She's scatterbrained and filled with coconut oil at best.
Sheep Mowers
I’ve always wondered why we had lawn mowers when so many animals eat grass. Apparently the town of Turin, Italy was wondering the same thing. Turin now employees 700 little, woolly sheep to keep their city parks neat and trim… and well fertilized.
Manager of the project, Federico Tombolato, said: “Using sheep is not only cheaper and more environmentally friendly, but we also get to sell them at the end of the process to raise more money.”
Robbing the Dead
A 23-year-old from Spain woke up one day and decided that robbing a mortuary was an intelligent thing to do. Shockingly enough, as it turns out… it wasn’t.
Neighbors of the funeral home called in a disturbance to police when they heard the doors being forced open during the middle of the night.
Apparently, the sounds of the police arriving terrified the young would-be-thief into playing possum, and he laid out on the table normally used in wake viewings.
Continue reading “Robbing the Dead”
Episode 52 – “I’m Feeling Fat and Sassy!”
Happy Birthday to US! We are officially a year old today (March 28th 2008), and we have learned to say “no”. We also have been locked out of the kitchen cabinets, because we keep banging the pots around late at night when mommy wants her alone time with the postman… Go have a cupcake in our honor and chow down on its sugary, heart-stopping, internal organ melting icing, and enjoy Radioactive Kitteh (comic anyone?), Testicle Removal (by a church deacon!), and a Man (who was a woman) that is 5 Months Preggers!
*Blows out the candles and waits for the strippers*
Continue reading “Episode 52 – “I’m Feeling Fat and Sassy!””
Episode 51 – “”You are NOT in my pee circle!”
Through the great happenstance of fate, Stephen and I are in the same state! Oh, joy of joy’s, my dear heart doth sing to the heavens for it is lifted of its heavy burden of the lack of Stephen. But now, dearest listeners, we are joined in happy times run amok with rum balls and pillows and we bring you tales of the dumbest in the land for your immense listening pleasures. Women who fancy themselves men, hospitals doling out new bottoms, and the epic duel of two equally matched ham fisted gentlemen.
Factoid of the Week:
Adult Northwestern American Grizzly Bears can bite through steel as thick as one half inch
But, He Has Boobs!
Ever Been Ripped a New One?
I Pee in Your Box
Boobies Be Gone
Stripper kicks dude in face
Not To Be Read/Listened To With FOOD Near You
Super Hero Plays Hookie
Ham Fisted
Download it Here! (Right-Click, Save As…)
Running Time: 49:40
Episode 48 – “Explosive Flatulence Is An Epidemic”
Hey, look we are on time this week! Even though I am still sick, and Stephen is hyped up on caffeine after not having any for about a month… this is not a recommended way of ingesting caffeine. I just ate about seven hundred smarties, and I very happy. SMARTIES! Smarties liked our show this week too, about tortoises that set houses on fire, a pair of flaming pants, and a baby that was flushed down the toilet!
Factoid of the Week:
75 million toothpicks can be made from one cord of wood
Tortoise Sets House On Fire
Robber’s Crush
Fat Mew Falls on Customer
Edward Retard Hands <— Submitted by Frankie U.
Flaming Pants
Python Eats Pet… in front of childrenZ!
Baby Flushed… Off the Train!
Highway Menage a Trois <—Submitted by Frankie U.
Steamy Pots
Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 57:31
Episode 47 – “Brown Chicken Brown Cow”
Ok, so, I have had the plague for the last week, and it has just about liquidated my insides ebola style. I have taken enough medication that I thought I was from a different dimension at one point; I have slept for entire days; I have eaten really well; and kept exorbitantly warm… and still I have the phage. I want to get better! On that note, I sound a bit like a whale in this episode (which is entertaining in and of itself). The content is also pretty amusing: a church with sexual commandments, a man who literally got nailed in the nuts, and a man who thinks all your tacos are belong to him.
Factoid of the Week:
Oysters can change gender according to the temperature of the water they live in
Personally, I’d rather be slapped with a ruler…
Crazy men in Japanese school girl uniforms. A new trend, or just another random idiot?
I Want To Attend This Church
I So Did Not Order That
As if our arteries could handle anymore…
Talk about getting nailed…
All Your Tacos Are Belong To Me
Man Drives Stolen Car to Police Station
Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 51:34
Down With The Sickness
I have come down with the phage, or the plague, or ebola, or maybe zombieitus. My throat is melting, I can’t breath, I’m all achy and weak, and the copious amounts of cold medicines that I am on make me want to sleep all day. I will either emerge victorious… or as the living dead. Either way it might be neat. The point of my whining? I cannot speak, let alone without coughing, so the show is off until I stop dying 😐
Sacrifice a virgin for me if you think about it… or gift baskets of cough drops might be a pleasing substitute.
-Ash
Episode 46 – “Two All Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese”
Wow, this weekend has been conspiring against us! The SUC heads attacked, mini-bears looted our HQ, our mixer exploded, I forgot how to swallow water, and my parents were here (four people in a two bedroom apartment = lame). We finally managed to emerge the victors, however! Huzzah for perseverance. Today’s episode comes to you complete with ninja kitties, flying moose, and freshly baked rodents. Yum!
Factoid of the Week:
One cubic foot of gold weighs more than a half ton
Do-Gooder Accused of Do-Badding
Online Prostitution! Coming To A City Near you!
Who Let The Chickens Out?
Ninja Kitty Evades Firemen
Falling Rock…er, MOOSE!
Fresh Baked Rodent
The Phone Is Mightier Than The Tazer
Grandma Wields An Axe
Firefighter Arrested on DUI…While Driving The Fire Truck
Download it Here! (Right-click, Save As…)
Running Time: 46:35
Damn The Gremlins
Well, all our happiness came crashing down on our big, fat, happy heads this evening while attempting to make up Friday’s show. Our mixer imploded upon itself, and is now a very expensive paper weight that mocks is with ever button that refuses to light up. Stephen has sold a lung, and now has enough to buy a replacement mixer. He is planning on doing this posthaste.
Something about today just did not like us, or the people around us. One of our friends went to the hospital due to sever seizures, I almost choked to death (apparently inhaling while drinking is not on the “top ten most recommended things to do” list), and our mixer decides that it is sick of having our voices float through it once a week.
Someone go do some voodoo for us, and help us get back on track!
I also hear that dragons take kindly to virgins… if anyone can find one of those?
Thanks for your patience!
-Ash