Take my ass to prom??

ButtsWhat is better than inviting that really cute girl you like to prom? That’s easy! Asking her under a full moon! Well, 13 full moons to be exact.  In Ann Arbor Michigan, 13 high school lacrosse players were disciplined last Thursday for baring their bottoms on which was scribbled a prom invitation from one of the players to a girl.  Scribbled along this assortment of hairy, dimply, craters of stink were the words “Will You Go To The Prom With Me? Yes or No?”  Where were these guys when I was looking for friends?  That’s taking wingman to a whole different level! 
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He Da Devil!

A man who claims to be the devil scared the crap out of a bunch of Planet Hollywood patrons when he claimed he had a bomb and that “the whole world deserves to die.” The devil was once an employee of the popular restaurant chain and had been fired shortly before the incident. One can only guess why the management would choose to fire a guy who says he’s the devil.
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Button Terror

So, what are you afraid of? Snakes a la Indie, spiders a la every chick alive… or maybe clowns? Go watch Killer Clowns from Outer Space and tell me you aren’t afraid of clowns. Snakes, spiders, and definitely clowns are all terrifying, but how do you feel about buttons? No, not our wonderful H&H buttons (technically, those are considered pins), but the cute, colorful, four-holed bits of plastic that keep some women’s boobs from bursting out of their shirt.

“For me touching a button would be like touching a cockroach. It feels dirty, nasty and wrong. When I was younger my brother used to tease me by opening my mum’s button tin. I hid in my bedroom until he put them away.”

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Where Did All the Spare Explosives Go?

I believe that it’s safe to say that most people understand what a missile looks like, and hopefully would not use them for any unintended purposes. Okay, maybe that last statement was off, but we all know what they look like. If you have watched a movie in the past ten years, there is a good chance you’ve seen one. Well, there are some people in this world that don’t have any idea how dangerous a missle can be. One of these people is a crazy old farmer in a Romanian village.
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Aliens Throwing Things! Run For Cover!

A Bosnian man is claiming that he is being targeted by aliens. Meteorites have hit the man’s home five times and he sees no other explanation to this incredible phenomenon other than visitors from above sending these space rocks hurtling toward his house. No explanation is offered as to why the aliens would pick on this poor guy, but we can be certain that they are the ones responsible. Why else would this guy get hit five times when such an event is so very rare for everyone else?
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The Apocalypse Is…Not So Nigh Anymore

This is a follow up to the story posted earlier this week about those crazy Russians who were hiding out in the cave and waiting for the world to end. Well, it turns out that handful of those crazies weren’t crazy enough and decided to leave the cave after the roof of their makeshift hovel started to collapse. It sure looks like their fearless leader was right about the world ending, so long as the world was that cave. It has got to suck to think that you are safe from the apocalypse only to realize that the safest place you can be is outside your safehouse.
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Let’s Read…Naked!

A whole bunch of German hippies are getting together today to read a book about being a nudist. The catch: they are all naked! The book they are reading is all about Naturism, which from what I gather is about natural stuff. Sounds simple right? It probably isn’t, but for the sake of this article, I’ll just take a few liberties and make up things. That’s what we do here after all! Continue reading “Let’s Read…Naked!”

The Apocalypse Is Nigh!

A bunch of Russian crazies have managed to blockade themselves inside and old pre-revolutionary convent claiming that the world is ending! Not only that the world is ending, but also that processed food, credit cards, and bar codes are all the work of Satan. We all knew that, right? But what sense does it make to block yourself in and wait for your certain doom? Continue reading “The Apocalypse Is Nigh!”