Looks like our friendly neighborhood web slinger has moved on from fighting crime to…washing windows? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the heroes of yesteryear are getting old, and finding themselves needing some kind of compensation other than the cheers and shouts of children and comic book nerds. Spider-Man has taken up an occupation that allows him to use his powers, but in a more relaxed environment. The once protector of New York is now window washing in China! From the looks of it, there is more than one Spider-Man and together they are making a difference for dirty windows everywhere
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Button Terror
So, what are you afraid of? Snakes a la Indie, spiders a la every chick alive… or maybe clowns? Go watch Killer Clowns from Outer Space and tell me you aren’t afraid of clowns. Snakes, spiders, and definitely clowns are all terrifying, but how do you feel about buttons? No, not our wonderful H&H buttons (technically, those are considered pins), but the cute, colorful, four-holed bits of plastic that keep some women’s boobs from bursting out of their shirt.
“For me touching a button would be like touching a cockroach. It feels dirty, nasty and wrong. When I was younger my brother used to tease me by opening my mum’s button tin. I hid in my bedroom until he put them away.”
Episode 55 – “Someone PLEASE Get Me Some Cornbread!”
I went rock climbing in the wild today! I pissed off a crow and twisted my ankle. A friend was throwing leaves at me and I thought they were bees… so, I jumped. This German dude on our show jumped too; and he landed on a lady who had jumped the day before. Some other guy went and poo’d in a kid’s birthday basket. Normally, I would laugh, but the basket was full of DS games! There was also a group of people making a pr0n film at a McDonalds. None of this happened in the woods, but we do cover it all during our awesome show of DOOM!
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Alcohol and Knives Don’t Mix
A Russian electrician came away from a great night out drinking with his buddies only to find that he had a large knife driven four inches into his back. Yuri Laylin, 53, and some buddies were playing a variation of Russian roulette that led to the knife being shoved into his back. Russian roulette has never made much sense to me, and I don’t guess I would be a big fan of ANY variation of the incredibly stupid game. This variation of it is a pretty simple game really. You get a few friends together, get wasted, tie a blindfold around one guys eyes, give him a knife, then dance around him while he makes stabbing motions at you. Sounds like an exciting night!
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How Many Cows Died For This?
The biggest barbecue ever recorded was kicked off in Uruguay this weekend to promote the country’s number one export. The incredible event required a grill almost a mile long and 12 metric tonnes of beef! That’s a whole lot of meat! About 1,250 people were needed to cook the meat on the grill, which, if this was America, probably would amount to a whole lot of arguments over how to properly grill a steak. It’s a good thing these Uruguayans can get along, or else there might have been a few people steaks being served around.
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Kid Blows with His Nose
When I was 13… well, I can’t really recall what I was doing at the horrible age of 13, but I sincerely doubt I was shooting for a Guinness World Record title. I don’t even understand how this kid came up with the idea for this. If you think about it, it is rather gross.
“A 13-year-old boy is claiming the world record for blowing balloons with his nose. Using one nostril at a time, Andrew Dahl inflated 213 balloons within an hour… in the town’s public library. His feat has been submitted for review by Guinness World Records.”
Garfield Fo’ Real!
When I was in high school I used to draw Garfield all the time. I religiously read the comics every morning before I dragged myself to class, and I bought all the compilations so I could enjoy the comic in color every day. In short, I am a fan of that huge, fat cat. Much to my joy, Garfield lives; and in Italy no less!
Episode 54 – “Now With 30% Less Trans Fat!”
Tonight’s episode was captured by a defiant group of squirrels who refuse to understand that they have been beaten! I had to journey into the deepest and darkest of squirrel outposts and wrestle this episode away from one of the nasty little buggers before it became their giant squirrel dinner. That’s right folks, they tried to eat it! It’s a good thing I was there to make sure this show came out safe and sound. I barely escaped, but I shall wear my wounds with pride. Tonight’s episode is covered in chocolate and presented to you like a nobel prize…whatever that means. Enjoy!
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Where Did All the Spare Explosives Go?
I believe that it’s safe to say that most people understand what a missile looks like, and hopefully would not use them for any unintended purposes. Okay, maybe that last statement was off, but we all know what they look like. If you have watched a movie in the past ten years, there is a good chance you’ve seen one. Well, there are some people in this world that don’t have any idea how dangerous a missle can be. One of these people is a crazy old farmer in a Romanian village.
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No Squirting Please
We all know that teenagers are a menace. They steal, drool, toilet paper your trees, and have sex with your daughter. Well one town in Norfolk (UK) has decided that enough is most assuredly enough. They have drawn a line in the sand and taken a definite stance against teenagers and their vile hyjinx. They… have banned the sale of ketchup and eggs to teens. Continue reading “No Squirting Please”