Alas, today’s live show went on despite that fact that nobody listened live and nobody called in. Don’t worry, the co-host of the show wasn’t even there. My good buddy Micah stood in to take her place! Despite not having boobies, he did awesome and I am super glad that he came on to pick up the slack left by Ash who is currently out of town fighting the good fight against the Red Squirrel Army. We still had a good time, and I can only assume that you all were abducted by aliens and couldn’t wrestle yourselves away in time to join us. I hope you love this episode!
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Author: Stephen
Episode 59 – “Buttery Nipple Leftovers”
I would like to take the time to dedicate this episode to all the penguins out there… penguins that have been put into games where you see how far you can punt them with a polar bear and a bat. Penguins that have been put into weird CG movies and taught to dance (oddly) and sing (horribly). Penguins that do not look like penguins because the toy store manufacture has no idea what a penguin actually looks like. Lastly, and maybe most importantly, penguins that have been violated for 45 minutes by great, fat 245 seals. You’re doing it WRONG! Now you have to listen to the show because you are overly curious as to what I am prattling on about. 😀
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A Sticky Situation
When I was a kid, I used to love getting glue on my hands and having to peel it off. One of the best parts was trying to see if I could get the entire sticky film off my hands without it breaking. I never accomplished the feat, but I still managed to get a bunch off without it ever coming apart. Simple joys like this can get you through your younger years, but having a crap-ton of glue all over you can actually turn you off from the stuff completely. Just ask these Chinese firefighters!
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He Should Be A Superhero
An indian man has plans to hang himself from a helicopter with nothing but the strength of his ponytail. Shailendra Roy decided to take on this feat shortly after pulling a 35 tonne toy train for 10 meters. He had a long chain tied to his ponytail which was then attached to the train. Mr. Roy is quick to tell people that he could have pulled the train further but the safety officials required that he stop. This guy must have Superman-like locks of hair, because I don’t think any mortal man could pull of these great feets of strength with nothing but their ponytail.
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Doctor Wants Frenchies To Fart
I’m a huge proponent of letting your gas go, however, I do think it necessary to be subtle about it. Nobody wants to see you tilt your body and aim it at the dude next to your, or let one fly and announce it with pride to everyone around you. One doctor from france, on the other hand, believes that you should let it go regardless of the circumstances. He believes that holding in gas can cause many illnesses including cancer! This is terrible news for women, who I have discovered after years of research never ever fart!
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He Da Devil!
A man who claims to be the devil scared the crap out of a bunch of Planet Hollywood patrons when he claimed he had a bomb and that “the whole world deserves to die.” The devil was once an employee of the popular restaurant chain and had been fired shortly before the incident. One can only guess why the management would choose to fire a guy who says he’s the devil.
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Episode 56 – Your Boobies Are Happy!
Another episode is out for your listening pleasure! This one cleverly escaped a gnome fortress where the creepy beings had it tied up in the rack for weeks on end. Little did they know that all the stretching and pulling made our episode just tall enough to reach the gnome-sized window and climbo out of the dungeon! Once it safely navigated the shark infested waters, it made its way home. Slightly bruised, and emotionally scarred, it has passed the rehabilitation process to make it more suitable for the world outside. Now we’re kicking it out on it’s own, where it can flap its wings and make you smile. So long as the gnomes don’t catch it again!
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The Case of the Disappearing Wangs
A wave of crime has hit the town of Kinshasa in the Congo that would send even the bravest of the brave men running to hide under the bed. People are having their penises stolen! Never did I think I would read a headline like this, but when I started browsing around for news this morning, it was the very first thing that caught my eye. I’m in complete bewilderment and officially refuse to ever visit the Congo, not that it was high up on my list of places to visit in the first place.
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Retired Superheroes Need Jobs Too!
Looks like our friendly neighborhood web slinger has moved on from fighting crime to…washing windows? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the heroes of yesteryear are getting old, and finding themselves needing some kind of compensation other than the cheers and shouts of children and comic book nerds. Spider-Man has taken up an occupation that allows him to use his powers, but in a more relaxed environment. The once protector of New York is now window washing in China! From the looks of it, there is more than one Spider-Man and together they are making a difference for dirty windows everywhere
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Alcohol and Knives Don’t Mix
A Russian electrician came away from a great night out drinking with his buddies only to find that he had a large knife driven four inches into his back. Yuri Laylin, 53, and some buddies were playing a variation of Russian roulette that led to the knife being shoved into his back. Russian roulette has never made much sense to me, and I don’t guess I would be a big fan of ANY variation of the incredibly stupid game. This variation of it is a pretty simple game really. You get a few friends together, get wasted, tie a blindfold around one guys eyes, give him a knife, then dance around him while he makes stabbing motions at you. Sounds like an exciting night!
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