Introducing the latest in mail carrier defense weaponry; The Water pistol. At least that is what the brave group of mail bringers in Madison Wisconsin are having to resort to. Apparently postal workers serving a neighborhood near Owen Conservation Park are being attacked daily by a pack of wild turkeys. Everyone has seen the movies about dogs chasing the mailman, but who would have thought turkeys would be the new super villains? These turkeys are still at large and have been accused of pecking their postal victims, as well as stabbing with spurs on their heels. One turkey actually climbed in the open door of one of the mail trucks and assaulted the driver, leaving the driver with scratch wounds.
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There’s a Prize Worth Winning
Only in West Virginia could a plan like this be devised and then implemented. A casino in Wheeling, West Virginia, will be giving away an entire tanker of gas to one lucky individual. I’m not that much of a gambling man, but if a tanker of gasoline is up for grabs, that might just turn me around! The tanker contains 9,000 gallons of fuel that the winner will be able to take home in the form of gift cards. Sorry guys, a real tanker isn’t given away. I know that some of you would like to have it in the event of the eminent zombie attack.
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Sheep Mowers
I’ve always wondered why we had lawn mowers when so many animals eat grass. Apparently the town of Turin, Italy was wondering the same thing. Turin now employees 700 little, woolly sheep to keep their city parks neat and trim… and well fertilized.
Manager of the project, Federico Tombolato, said: “Using sheep is not only cheaper and more environmentally friendly, but we also get to sell them at the end of the process to raise more money.”
Aliens Throwing Things! Run For Cover!
A Bosnian man is claiming that he is being targeted by aliens. Meteorites have hit the man’s home five times and he sees no other explanation to this incredible phenomenon other than visitors from above sending these space rocks hurtling toward his house. No explanation is offered as to why the aliens would pick on this poor guy, but we can be certain that they are the ones responsible. Why else would this guy get hit five times when such an event is so very rare for everyone else?
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Episode 53 – “Naked Belongs in the Bathroom”
Well, we have successfully completed another abs-fab episode of the eventually famous podcast Horseshoes and Hand Grenades! We had a pirate join us for tea at some point, and I think the Mad Hatter made an appearance. I don’t really recall either way, as I was drugged by an alien overlord before we started the show. Good news for you, the evil sloths at H & H managed to find how to become a woman in 20 minutes, how third graders planned to attack their teacher, and how a 31 year old woman planned on kidnapping her 17 year old WoW lover.
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Good Grades For Sex and Money
A professor in Hamburg, Germany has been jailed for taking money and sex from students in exchange for good grades. I never knew that students could really be that desperate that they would fork out huge amounts of money just so they could pass. This professor evidently took in over $244,000 over the course of his teaching career. Students who were failing his class were given this option so that they could get their doctorate. What worries me is that there are doctors (of something) walking around in Germany that don’t really know what they’re doing! This just cannot stand!
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Robbing the Dead
A 23-year-old from Spain woke up one day and decided that robbing a mortuary was an intelligent thing to do. Shockingly enough, as it turns out… it wasn’t.
Neighbors of the funeral home called in a disturbance to police when they heard the doors being forced open during the middle of the night.
Apparently, the sounds of the police arriving terrified the young would-be-thief into playing possum, and he laid out on the table normally used in wake viewings.
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Please Don’t Tease the Tribesman
London will be getting a few visitors from the great land of Tanzania the week of the 26-mile London Marathon. The unusual thing about these guys is that they are from “Deepest Darkest Africa” and haven’t had that many dealings with civilizations like that of the Brits. They have been instructed by the people looking after them that it is very important they do not attempt to hunt farm animals, and that underwear is a necessary garment. I never thought about this kind of thing before, but I guess it would be hard for one of these guys to turn off his usual instinct of hunting and gathering.
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Went in for Great Value TP, came out with Jury Duty
You know you are in trouble when the judge begins summoning wal-mart shoppers for Jury Duty. In Lima Ohio, Judge Richard Warren, who was presiding over a child rape case, realized he had a problem when he ran out of prospective jurors. His Solution? Summon random people at the popular shopping destinations.
Judge Warren dispatched the sheriff to serve more Jury Duty Summons at the local Wal-Mart, shopping mall, and supermarket. The sheriff and 3 deputies questioned unsuspecting mall shoppers about their county of residence and voter status.
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The Apocalypse Is…Not So Nigh Anymore
This is a follow up to the story posted earlier this week about those crazy Russians who were hiding out in the cave and waiting for the world to end. Well, it turns out that handful of those crazies weren’t crazy enough and decided to leave the cave after the roof of their makeshift hovel started to collapse. It sure looks like their fearless leader was right about the world ending, so long as the world was that cave. It has got to suck to think that you are safe from the apocalypse only to realize that the safest place you can be is outside your safehouse.
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