A man who claims to be the devil scared the crap out of a bunch of Planet Hollywood patrons when he claimed he had a bomb and that “the whole world deserves to die.” The devil was once an employee of the popular restaurant chain and had been fired shortly before the incident. One can only guess why the management would choose to fire a guy who says he’s the devil.
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Author: Stephen
Episode 56 – Your Boobies Are Happy!
Another episode is out for your listening pleasure! This one cleverly escaped a gnome fortress where the creepy beings had it tied up in the rack for weeks on end. Little did they know that all the stretching and pulling made our episode just tall enough to reach the gnome-sized window and climbo out of the dungeon! Once it safely navigated the shark infested waters, it made its way home. Slightly bruised, and emotionally scarred, it has passed the rehabilitation process to make it more suitable for the world outside. Now we’re kicking it out on it’s own, where it can flap its wings and make you smile. So long as the gnomes don’t catch it again!
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The Case of the Disappearing Wangs
A wave of crime has hit the town of Kinshasa in the Congo that would send even the bravest of the brave men running to hide under the bed. People are having their penises stolen! Never did I think I would read a headline like this, but when I started browsing around for news this morning, it was the very first thing that caught my eye. I’m in complete bewilderment and officially refuse to ever visit the Congo, not that it was high up on my list of places to visit in the first place.
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Retired Superheroes Need Jobs Too!
Looks like our friendly neighborhood web slinger has moved on from fighting crime to…washing windows? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the heroes of yesteryear are getting old, and finding themselves needing some kind of compensation other than the cheers and shouts of children and comic book nerds. Spider-Man has taken up an occupation that allows him to use his powers, but in a more relaxed environment. The once protector of New York is now window washing in China! From the looks of it, there is more than one Spider-Man and together they are making a difference for dirty windows everywhere
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Alcohol and Knives Don’t Mix
A Russian electrician came away from a great night out drinking with his buddies only to find that he had a large knife driven four inches into his back. Yuri Laylin, 53, and some buddies were playing a variation of Russian roulette that led to the knife being shoved into his back. Russian roulette has never made much sense to me, and I don’t guess I would be a big fan of ANY variation of the incredibly stupid game. This variation of it is a pretty simple game really. You get a few friends together, get wasted, tie a blindfold around one guys eyes, give him a knife, then dance around him while he makes stabbing motions at you. Sounds like an exciting night!
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How Many Cows Died For This?
The biggest barbecue ever recorded was kicked off in Uruguay this weekend to promote the country’s number one export. The incredible event required a grill almost a mile long and 12 metric tonnes of beef! That’s a whole lot of meat! About 1,250 people were needed to cook the meat on the grill, which, if this was America, probably would amount to a whole lot of arguments over how to properly grill a steak. It’s a good thing these Uruguayans can get along, or else there might have been a few people steaks being served around.
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Episode 54 – “Now With 30% Less Trans Fat!”
Tonight’s episode was captured by a defiant group of squirrels who refuse to understand that they have been beaten! I had to journey into the deepest and darkest of squirrel outposts and wrestle this episode away from one of the nasty little buggers before it became their giant squirrel dinner. That’s right folks, they tried to eat it! It’s a good thing I was there to make sure this show came out safe and sound. I barely escaped, but I shall wear my wounds with pride. Tonight’s episode is covered in chocolate and presented to you like a nobel prize…whatever that means. Enjoy!
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Where Did All the Spare Explosives Go?
I believe that it’s safe to say that most people understand what a missile looks like, and hopefully would not use them for any unintended purposes. Okay, maybe that last statement was off, but we all know what they look like. If you have watched a movie in the past ten years, there is a good chance you’ve seen one. Well, there are some people in this world that don’t have any idea how dangerous a missle can be. One of these people is a crazy old farmer in a Romanian village.
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There’s a Prize Worth Winning
Only in West Virginia could a plan like this be devised and then implemented. A casino in Wheeling, West Virginia, will be giving away an entire tanker of gas to one lucky individual. I’m not that much of a gambling man, but if a tanker of gasoline is up for grabs, that might just turn me around! The tanker contains 9,000 gallons of fuel that the winner will be able to take home in the form of gift cards. Sorry guys, a real tanker isn’t given away. I know that some of you would like to have it in the event of the eminent zombie attack.
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Aliens Throwing Things! Run For Cover!
A Bosnian man is claiming that he is being targeted by aliens. Meteorites have hit the man’s home five times and he sees no other explanation to this incredible phenomenon other than visitors from above sending these space rocks hurtling toward his house. No explanation is offered as to why the aliens would pick on this poor guy, but we can be certain that they are the ones responsible. Why else would this guy get hit five times when such an event is so very rare for everyone else?
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